


Stare downs between the Sun and the Moon( Addict with a Pen)

by orphan_account



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: (just ignore me), Abuse, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, And I think I gave them happiness?, Angst, Art, Awkwardness, Bullies, Bullying, Child Abuse, Conspiracy Theories, Debby is awesome, Drawing, Drums, Fear, Fighting, Finally, Future Relationships, Gang, Guidance Counselors, Guilt, I can now with pride say I can include the Josher/Tysh tag, I finally started developing into the plot that it says in the summary, I promise, I will eventually get more plot, I will try and give them happiness though, I'll try though, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Bad At Titles, I'm just bad at everything, I'm kidding myself, I'm so sorry, Ink, Ink Masters (not the TV show), Insecurity, Internalized Homophobia, It's called ukulele screamo and it's art, JUST, Multi, Mystery, Piano, Probably some angst, Prompt Fic, Prompt Fill, Red Bull, Rehabilitation, SO MANY SPOILERS ON THE TAGS, Singing, Small details aren't right, Song Lyrics, Song references, Sorry there's a lot of OCs, Soulmates, Suspense, Tattoos, This has been done before, Ukulele, Underground movements, Words, connection, corrupt government, deny deny denial, friends - Freeform, guest prompt, i don't have the patience for slow build ups, i'm excited, ignore me, inspired by another work, lyrics, sleepover, sorry - Freeform, that was random, this might go quickly, twenty one pilots - Freeform, why am I tagging so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-08
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-08-20 05:45:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 25,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8238116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: For as long as Josh can remember, ink has been appearing on his skin. Words he didn't write, pictures he didn't draw. One day, he decides to write back.ORJosh is a soulmate, someone who has a connection to someone through markings on their skin. But things aren't easy for soulmates, or for Josh himself, and definitely not for Tyler, the mysterious new boy...Alternatively titled "The one where I can't write, post on time, summarize, tag, or basically do anything. "





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Raggdoll_101](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raggdoll_101/gifts), [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts), [RiverSong11](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiverSong11/gifts), [RegalMatriarch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RegalMatriarch/gifts), [MyChemicalRomance16](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyChemicalRomance16/gifts), [thetransguywhosoverdanandphil](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thetransguywhosoverdanandphil/gifts), [blurryxvessel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blurryxvessel/gifts), [Allyoubeautifulpeopleokay?](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Allyoubeautifulpeopleokay%3F).



> For the guest joshdunismyhusband, Who gave me an awesome prompt on my other fic, Addict with A Pen. Hope you enjoy. :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (November 15 2016 Edit) I am very sorry, I forgot to gift this to rayisagirls name, who was the inspiration for my earlier fic, Addict with a Pen (this one was based on a prompt someone left on that fic, so this is sort of a very very loose remix), so thereby was also the inspiration for this. Thank you, rayisagirlsname, for writing the fic that second-handedly (that's not even a thing, but I don't care) inspired this fic. I hope you like this one.

**[Addict with a pen](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6802498/chapters/15535678) **

 

Josh pulled his jacket on. For as long as he could remember, every morning he pulled his jacket on. He couldn't risk someone seeing the ink, the ink that the authorities refused to believe existed. 

     You see, his whole life, starting when he was about four, on Josh's skin, writing and drawings had appeared on his arm. Things he didn't write, didn't draw. Verses and nooses, basketballs and poems. It had scared Josh when he became old enough to know that something didn't appear on your arm without you writing it. 

     His parents had noticed a long time ago. They had been frightened, frightened to an extent that Josh couldn't understand.

    _"Mom, what's wrong with the writing?" She had leaned down and looked him in the eye, putting her hands on his shoulders._

_"Joshie, listen to me. This is very important, and you can't forget. You must never mention the writing again. You must never show anyone, not even us. Never, no matter what."_

_"Why?"_

_"Your life, and ours as well, depends on it. I can't explain now. Just, I need you to promise. Okay?" Okay!?"_

_He had eventually nodded. "Okay, I promise." She had released his shoulders, and stood up, a weight still on her brow. That day she had went out and bought him lots of long sleeve shirts and jackets._

_"You can't ever take these off, no matter how hot it is, not even around the house or to sleep in."_

      Josh hadn't understood then. However, now he did. With clever internet searching, and quite a lot of history clearing, he had found out what was wrong with the ink.

     Throughout history, there had been tales of people who had ink just appear on their skin one day, ink that they didn't write. Even then, authorities had been wary of it. They had thought it was witchcraft. If they found someone with the ink, they would be taken, and never seen again. People were afraid. Eventually, someone found out that the writing on your skin was someone else writing, and that if you wrote on your skin, it would appear on their body in the same place you wrote it. There were stories of people communicating with it, using it as a way to meet each other. And supposedly, when you kissed the person who was connected to you, the connection would break.

     Some people thought that the person who shared the connection was your soulmate, the person you were meant to be with.

      It was dangerous, though. The government was still wary of it, and if someone was found with the ink, they would be taken away for "testing." 

     Josh could never touch anyone. He could never risk someone seeing. He couldn't get close to anyone, because what if they saw?

    He never wrote on his skin. He wondered if the person writing was even aware that they had a connection, a possible soulmate. Did they know how dangerous it was?

    Sometimes, when he was weak, he imagined his soulmate. She would be pretty, with green eyes, and curly dark hair. He imagined a graceful, funny girl. 

    He would hate himself afterwards. It could never work, it was too dangerous. 

   

      When he was in his room, late at night, when he was sure his parents were asleep, he would read the writing on his skin. Normally, it was verses. Today, there were words in the shape of a noose. 

 _Tie a noose around your mind_  
_Loose enough to breathe fine and tie it_  
_To a tree. Tell it, "You belong to me._  
_This ain't a noose, this is a leash._  
_And I have news for you: you must obey me."_

He looked at his reflection in the window, and tugged his sleeves down. He sighed, and walked out the door. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In comes Tyler.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this is really short.

    **[Addict with a pen](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6802498/chapters/15535678)**

 

     Josh sat in the corner seat, tugging at a stray thread in his jacket. Today he was wearing gloves, because apparently his "soulmate" who was either completely oblivious, or a bloody idiot, had written on her hand in red ink. 

      _I won't fall in love with falling_

   Why did she write on herself so much? What did the words, which sounded like poems in his head, mean? 

    When Josh looked back on his own thoughts, it sounded like he believed he had a soulmate. But who could love him?

    "Joshua Dun." Josh was jerked out of his thoughts by the teacher's voice. "What is the theme of this text?" Josh looked around the room, looking for anything that could help him. His eyes settled on the title of the text they were reading. All my sons. 

   "Um, Guilt?" The teacher nodded. 

    "Very good. Juliette, what about you?" She looked up, startled, from where she was painting her nails under the desk. Her eyes widened, and she shook her head. "That's what I thought." The teacher whipped around and started reprimanding some boys who were snickering behind her. Josh sighed. Another long day. 

 

     

      The only out of the ordinary thing that happened all day was the new boy that came into math, and Josh saw again later in art and history. He had brown hair, and was wearing a hoodie with his hands shoved deep into them, and he had a quiet voice, though he didn't speak much. His name was Tyler, and he had moved here from Ohio. Josh watched the back of Tyler's head in history, mildly curious about the new boy. There was a quality about him, one that Josh couldn't quite name, that intrigued Josh a little.

     In art, Tyler was lost in the lessons about perspective and values. He was sketching an angel with ragged wings on a piece of notebook paper, and just shrugged and didn't say anything when called on. In fact, the only time Josh heard him speak all week was when he was forced to go in front of the class and say where he was from. Like it mattered, like it ever mattered where anyone was from, not where they are now. 

      When Josh looked at his arm, hiding in the bathroom stall, he saw that there was more writing, luckily this time on his arm, not his hand. The ink on his hand looked like it had been rubbed off, just blurry red lines. The writing on his arm said

      ~~_my name is blurryface_~~

_~~and I~~_

_~~care~~_ ~~_what you think_ ~~

Josh sighed and looked at the ceiling. He was tempted, once again, to write a question on his arm and see what happened. But that was dangerous. That was a line that he wasn't willing to cross. He shook his sleeves out again, and pushed open the door to the stall. He looked in the mirror, taking in the faded pink hair and the circles under his eyes. He was really going to need to look into that sleep medicine his mom was talking about. 


	3. Chapter 3

**[Addict with a pen](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6802498/chapters/15535678) **

 

_"Josh, you can't let it slip like that! You can't afford that kind of mistake! We can't afford that kind of mistake!" He had rarely seen her angry like this._

_"I'm sorry, but Mom, I didn't mean to! I was trying to be careful! I know the risks as well as you do. I just made an error! That's all."_

_"Well I'm sorry Josh, but one slip up at the wrong time, and it's game over! I just want you to be safe." She said softly, beseechingly. "I don't know what I-we would do if we lost you."Josh hung his head in shame._

_"I'm sorry." She sighed, and stepped forward and embraced him._

_"I'm sorry too, for yelling at you. I know you couldn't help it."_

_Josh didn't look her in the eye, but nodded._ The truth was, that mess up had scared him too. The way the girl had looked at his arm, her wide coffee eyes looking knowingly at the red ink, had terrified him. What would happen if she told? What if one day, his fears were realized in the ubiquitous eyes of the world? For days, he had been nervous, expecting every police officer at his school was there for him, every knock on the door was someone to come take him away. Even after that had faded away, he was still wary of what would happen if his sleeve slipped again...

    He was honestly mildly surprised that he still hadn't been caught. It wouldn't be all that hard to mess up, to just let a bit of skin show one day...

       This was why he didn't leave the house when he didn't have to. He only really went to school, and that was required. His parents felt sorry for him, because he could never really have friends. They didn't say anything when he spent hours online (one thing he could have was internet friends), and would let him have money for music fairly often. To be honest, Josh had no idea how he would be an adult, working every day. He was bound to slip up then. But first he had to survive the next few years.

      

      Josh brushed his purple hair away from his face. He had dyed it the previous afternoon, a practically neon purple. He ignored the strange looks he was given in the hall, and headed to English. he dropped his bag at his desk. The teacher wasn't there yet. As he sat down, he became aware of some harsh voices towards the front of the room.

      "What's the matter, you mute or something? Why won't you answer?" Josh looked up to see some girls perched on desks, talking towards Tyler, who was silently scribbling on a piece of paper. "What are you writing? Hey, we're talking to you!" Tyler didn't look up from his paper. He looked calm, but Josh was startled to see that his shoulders were shaking slightly.

    One of the girls tried to snatch the paper away from Tyler. Josh made a decision. He would regret this later. What happened to, 'don't draw attention to yourself?' He kicked himself mentally, and stood up.

     "Would you just leave him alone? Why are you so desperate for him to talk to you? It seems pretty clear to me that he doesn't want to talk, and I can certainly understand why he wouldn't want to talk to you." One of the girls opened her mouth to speak, but at that moment, the teacher came in. 

     "What is going on here? Josh, Alyssa, Ivy, and Deirdre, go back to your seats." Josh looked at Tyler. For the first time, Tyler looked up, and gave Josh a slight, imperceptible smile. Josh smiled back, suddenly happy. He headed back to his seat, and settled down. Soon, the usual stupor had set over the class and Josh drummed on the desk with pencils until he was told to knock it off. 

      Later, Josh walked into art, and sat in his usual seat at the back of the classroom, where no one else joined his table. So he was surprised when he heard a chair scrape next to him, and he looked up to see Tyler sit down. Tyler looked awkwardly at the ground. In a sort of whisper of a voice, he spoke.

      "Um, hi. I hope it's all right that I sat here." Josh was surprised.

      "Of course you can sit here! Why wouldn't you be able to?" Tyler shrugged his shoulders.

      "I don't know. And... I wanted to say thanks for sticking up for him earlier." His voice cracked in the middle of 'sticking' and Tyler blushed.

     "Yeah. It's no problem." Tyler smiled shyly, and messed with his sleeve.

      Throughout the lesson, Josh found himself looking at the mysterious boy next to him, at his soft brown hair and overlarge hoodie that enveloped him. He watched as his thin hands deftly moved across the page, leaving behind the whisper of ink. Tyler looked up once to see Josh staring, and Josh quickly looked away. Uncomfortably, he turned back to his drawing, working on the knuckles of the hand. He wasn't very good at art, he reflected, but at least it was interesting.

      The rest of the week, Tyler an Josh sat silently at the art table, each working on their own thing. Josh still sometimes wondered about Tyler, and would stare at the back of Tyler's head in English, and and would stare at his hands.

      Each day, the ink would appear, thick and red. Josh thought that he had got an entire song or poem over the course of the week.

   

 _Now is the climax to the story_  
_That gives the demons and angels purpose_  
_They fly around while we are_  
_Walking and mold our emotions_  
_Just to please them_  
  
_I am cold, can you hear?_  
_I will fly with no hope, no fear_  
_And the ground taunts my wings_  
_Plummet as I sing, plummet as I sing_

 

  
  
_All we are is an isle of flightless birds_  
_We find our worth in giving birth, and stuff_  
_We're lining our homes against winding roads_  
_And we think the going is tough_  
_We pick songs to sing, remind us of things that nobody cares about_  
_And honestly, we're probably more suicidal than ever now_  
_If you decide to live by what you think's wrong and what's right_  
_Believe me you'll begin to wish you were sleeping_  
_Your weeping will creep in your head and you'll cry_  
_But if we wake up every morning and decide what we believe_  
_We can take apart our very heart and the light will set us free_

 

_How frustrating, and so degrading, His time, we're wasting_  
_And time will fly by and the sky will cry as light is fading_  
_And He is waiting, oh so patiently_  
_While we repeat the same routine as we will please comfortability_  
_And please think about why you can't sleep in the evening_  
_And please don't be afraid of what your soul is really thinking_  
_Your soul knows good and evil, your soul knows both sides_  
_And it's time you pick your battles, and I promise you this is mine (I promise you)_

 

     Josh wondered, once again, what was going on in her head that inspired her to write this on her arm. Late at night in his room, he found himself nodding along with some of the words. His soulmate may have been broken, but her words were beautiful. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so I have this amazing prompt from joshdunismyhusband. However, I need a bit of inspiration on how to continue. Here's the original prompt (as you can see, I've strayed far from it) 
> 
> "soulmate au, writing on arms/ink on arms (title coud be 'i'm sorry)?
> 
> -conversation between ty/josh on arms  
> -ty writes crazy stuff (song lyrics?),drawings of nooses/radios (always in red ink), josh gets confused and asks ty about it (always in blue ink)  
> -talk for weeks (at night)  
> -have an argument,ty says 'doesn't mean i am not willing to take you down'  
> -josh replies with whatever  
> -ty says 'i'm sorry'  
> -josh replies with thats ok  
> -never gets a response until weeks later 'my names blurryface'  
> -ty's suicide on news  
> -josh goes crazy and kills himself?  
> idk it seemed like a good idea but idk  
> btw anyone who sees it can use it idrc
> 
> alspomaybe josh could say his name like 'hey im josh who are you ' when he realises of the soul bond and then hed get crazy things in reply to link to the end?  
> his news report ( of the suicide) could feature his parents or friends who say he was haunted by a alter ego, blurryface then josh thinks he was talkig to this demon?  
> maybe l switch pov too just so people aren't confused  
> idk it might make it more interesting"
> 
>  
> 
> So if anyone has any prompts on how to fill this prompt, please tell me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh witnesses a woman get taken by the government, and meets a girl named Debby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Twelve (an account user) and joshdunismyhusband (guest) for their awesome prompts. You guys are the best!

      **[Addict with a Pen](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6802498/chapters/15535678)**

 

 

Josh glanced up at the clock. His parents wouldn't get home for at least another couple hours, he had plenty of time to meet with the girl for a few minutes.

       _The girl with the reddish brown hair shyly walked towards Josh. Josh looked at her. She smiled slightly. "Um, hi," she said, brushing her hair out of her face with her hand. I just wanted to say, um, that the way you stood up to those girls in English was pretty cool." Josh smiled at her. "Thanks. What's your name?"_ She must be in my English class,  _Josh mused,_ but I've never noticed her before.  _She was quite clearly pretty, though the hair hanging in her face disguised some of that beauty._

_"I'm Debby."_

_"Hi, nice to meet you. I'm Josh." He ran his hand through his purple hair. She smiled again, showing perfect white teeth._

_"And, I was wondering, ifmaybeyouwantedtodosomethingsometime?" She said the last bit of her sentence in one breath. Josh thought for a second. On one hand, he was definitely not supposed to meet with anyone outside of school, and he didn't know Debby that well, even if she seemed nice enough. On the other, well, when had he ever not gone along with what his parents said? When had he ever lived?_

_"Sure."_

Josh put another jacket over his long sleeve shirt, just to be safe. He glanced at the clock again, out of habit, and shoved his wallet and phone in his pocket. He hurried down to the coffee shop where they'd agreed to meet. He was lucky to live within walking distance of things, he reflected. It made this whole "sneaking out of the house without parental permission" thing much easier. 

    He approached the shop, slowing down as he reached it, and taking in the scene. There was a group of girls with laptops arguing good naturally at one of the outside table, next to the flower pots, and an older balding man sitting alone drinking his coffe.   Debby was sitting alone at a table outside by the door, waving awkwardly at him. She was wearing a soft pink dress, her hair swept back in a messy french braid. 

   "Hi, Debby." She smiled up at him, though standing up, she would have been the same height as him. 

   "Hey."

   "Have you ordered yet?"

    "No, I was waiting for you." 

     "Well, let's go order. On me." Debby stood up.

    "What a gentleman, paying for the lady on their date." An idea hit her, and she started again. "If this is a date, or whatever." Josh hadn't thought about it.

    "I think we can just try as friends, for now." She nodded, blushing slightly. They headed inside, Josh holding the door for Debby. They walked up to the counter to order. The woman with the blue hair, purple cat eye glasses,  and a Rosie the Riveter shirt looked up. 

     "What can I get you?" Debby looked up.

     "I'll have the tall soy latte, please." Cat-eye girl, as Josh was calling her, nodded and punched keys on the computer. Josh looked at the woman behind the counter.

    "Um, this is going to sound stupid, but do you have any Red Bull?" The woman looked surprised. 

     "As a matter of fact, we do have some Red Bull. Oh, also, I LOVE your hair." Josh grinned. 

     "Thanks." It was kind of nice to talk this much to people in person. Normally his conversation was limited to questions in school, brief, occasional ones with his parents, and talking with people online. 

    "That will be 13.97." Cat-eye woman said. Josh pulled out his wallet and counted out a few bills.

   "You can keep the change." Cat-eye woman smiled. 

   "Thanks. That will help fund my online campaign for equal pay, just so you know. Here's the website if you're interested." She pulled a business card out of her pocket, and handed it to Josh, and handed another to Debby. "What name would you like for the latte?" 

    "Debby."

   "And for the Red Bull?"

   "Spooky Jim." That was Josh's online user. 

   "Okay Debby and Spooky Jim, you'll hear when your drinks are up." Debby headed towards a booth in the corner. 

    In the couple minutes that followed, Josh concluded that he felt no attraction towards Debby, though she was nice and interesting enough. Their conversation about politics was interrupted when a voice bellowed, "DRINKS FOR DEBBY AND SPOOKY JIM!" Josh went up to get the drinks.

     "You weren't kidding when you said I'd hear it." Cat-eye Woman curtsied, lifting her grey skirt above her knees.

     "One of my many talents." 

     Josh headed back to the table, drinks in hand. Debby thanked him, and he sat back down. Their conversation this time was interrupted once again by the door slamming. Some men in uniform walked in, towards a man with dreadlocks behind the counter. 

     "Are you Thomas Locke?" The man nodded nervously. "We just need you to come away for some testing." Thomas stuttered. 

      "Why, did I do something?" 

      "Would you please just come quietly? This doesn't have to be hard." Thomas's eyes were wild.

       "Why are you taking me?!"

      "This doesn't have to be hard." The man repeated quietly. Thomas stood there, shaking his head. The man sighed and turned to the other officers. "Get the stunner."

       "No!" Thomas yelled, and then fell over as a small dart hit him in the arm. The in charge man gestured, and the other men lifted Thomas over the counter. Josh looked at Debby, who was shivering.  _What was going on?_ Josh was scared. Josh was terrified. He had an idea of what was going on, but was desperately praying that it was not the case. However, his fear was confirmed as while the men were walking, carrying Thomas, Thomas's sleeve slipped and Josh caught a glimpse of black ink before the men walked out of the shop completely. 

     However, one man remained, the man in charge.

    "Please do not panic." He said, addressing the entire silent shop. "This was just a routine checkup that was met with a struggle. Please do not worry, he will be fine. Also, please do not post anything on social media, as we would like to value Mr. Locke's privacy." Josh had a feeling that wasn't the man's reasoning at all. The man left, and Josh was left in the shop. Debby looked at him.

     "What was that about?" She whispered in shock.

    "I don't know." Josh couldn't think straight, he wanted to go back to the safety of his room, where he might be lonely, but people weren't taken from their places of work there. "Look, I've got to go, it was nice seeing you though." He walked out of the shop, leaving his drink and ignoring Debby calling after him.

 

 _The old man sits all by himself_  
_And thinks of better years_  
_When he used to believe in stars_  
_And would dream away his fears_  
  
_The young boy moves so fast he doesn’t_  
_See the stars above_  
_And all his dreams are crushed by old man_  
_Who didn’t dream enough_

This time, when he saw the writing on his arm, Josh angrily tried to scrub it off, desperate that the telling ink was OFF his arm. However, he scrubbed until his skin was raw, and the ink was still there, clear on his arm.   
     

    

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you spotted my Carry On reference, I love you forever.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh apologizes to Debby for his behavior, and makes a friend in her.  
> THE PLOT THICKENS WITH TYLER  
> I feel sorry for my smol bean.

**[Addict with a Pen](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6802498/chapters/15535678) **    

 

Josh pulled his hoodie over his head. He debated combing his hair, but decided against it. It didn't matter what his hair looked like. What did any of that matter? He walked downstairs. His mother and father were sitting at the table. His breath hitched slightly as he walked past them into the kitchen. What if they knew? However, they were completely the same as always. His mother mumbled, "Good morning," and his father didn't even look up from his coffee.

     Josh looked in the fridge. There were several Red Bulls, and normally he would go for that. Today, however, he passed over that and grabbed a bottle of water and an apple, and headed out the door to walk to school. The air was brisk and crisp. He dragged his worn Vans over the cracks in the sidewalk. He debated skipping school, as the playground with the woods by it looked tempting as he passed it, but he knew his parents would find out. 

     When he got to school, he headed to the bathroom. He pushed the door, and walked in. He was surprised to see Tyler, sitting on the floor cradling his cheek. Josh hesitantly walked forward. "Tyler? Are you okay?" Tyler looked up, shocked. He tried to hide his jaw from Josh by leaning it against the wall. 

       "Oh, yeah, I'm fine." Josh walked forward and sat down next to Tyler.

       "Can I see your jaw?" Josh said softly. Tyler hesitated for a long moment, studying Josh's face, searching in his eyes. Slowly, Tyler took his face from the wall. There was the shadow of a bruise on his face. Josh wanted to run his hands along it, to heal it and make Tyler alright, but he had the feeling that would be going to far. "What happened?" Tyler looked slightly panicked for a second.

       "I-um, tripped. Into a... doorknob." Josh didn't believe him. He wanted to believe that Tyler really had tripped, that everything was alright, but Tyler was clearly lying. However, would it do any good to push it, to call him out?

       "Oh, okay. That looks like it hurt." Josh felt horrible for just accepting Tyler's explanation, but what could he do?

       "Yeah. Clumsy old me." Tyler tried to smile as he said this. Tyler got up off the floor, and Josh stood up as well. Together, they walked to English. As they walked through the door, Josh looked at Tyler. Tyler smiled once more and headed towards his seat. Josh looked around the classroom. Debby was sitting at the front of the room wearing a knee length black dress and cowboy boots, staring at Josh. Josh hesitated, and then walked forward. "Hi, Debby. Listen, I'm sorry about running out of the cafe all the sudden. I um, looked at the time, and really needed to get home. Sorry, I was kind of rude." Debby nodded slightly. 

      "Okay."

       "But, I liked hanging out with you, just as a friend. Maybe we could eat lunch together or something sometime?" Debby smiled a little, a bit sad maybe, but genuine all the same.

       "I'd like that." she said softly. Josh stood there awkwardly for a second, and then spoke again.

       "Okay, cool. See you at lunch." He headed back to his seat, and within ten minutes, resumed staring at the back of the the person in front of him's head. 

       All through English, Math, and History, Josh wondered about Tyler. What had really happened to his jaw? It looked to Josh that Tyler had gotten hit there. But by who? Was Tyler really okay? Well, obviously not, but was he really not okay?

      Josh knew that he probably wouldn't get answers to his questions, but that didn't stop him from imagining all sorts of scenarios in his head. Maybe it was bullies at school, or a fight he got into on the street, or an abusive parent. What if it was an abusive parent? What could Josh do about that? And if it was bullies, how would Josh know for sure? The possibilities multiplied in Josh's head, and he got more and more worried and anxious about Tyler. Who had hurt that poor, sweet, beautiful boy? Wait, beautiful? Where had that come from? Josh pushed the thought away uneasily, and tried not to think about Tyler again.

      At lunch, he sat with Debby as promised, and a few of her friends. Josh found himself looking around the cafeteria for Tyler. Tyler wasn't there. Maybe he had lunch a different period, or just didn't eat in the lunch room. Josh shoved thoughts of Tyler out of his mind, and tried to concentrate on the conversations at hand. All of Debby friends were nice and interesting, like Debby herself. Josh was fairly sure at least one of the girls was flirting with him, however, though he hadn't had much experience with that, so he wasn't sure. 

      After lunch he had art, another chance to see Tyler and gauge if he was alright. Josh wished there was an okay-meter, some way to decode Tyler's silence and subtle facial expressions. Josh couldn't tell. Tyler's bruise was still showing on his face, but no one mentioned it. No one really came to talk to the quiet, strange, boy, cloaked in his hoodie and silence. Josh talked quietly with him about music and school while they worked on their art. At one point Josh made a joke, and Tyler laughed, really laughed.  _He has a cute laugh._ Josh mused. He banished that thought from his mind, and soon they lapsed into their usual, comfortable silence. 

    Tyler always seemed so unfriendly, but when you talked to him, Josh realized that he was one of the nicest people he had ever met. Maybe not friendly, but pleasant all the same. Josh found himself wishing that he was really allowed to have friends, friends that he could touch and talk with and hang out with. Friends that he could tell his secret. He knew it wasn't possible, wasn't safe, wasn't allowed, but Josh found himself wishing that Tyler could be his friend, or Debby, or _someone_ that wasn't just online.      

 

    _I will fear the night again_

_I hope I'm not my only friend_

_stay alive_

_stay alive_

_for me_

_you will die_

_but now your life is free_

_take pride in what is sure_

_to die_


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh discovers a conspiracy theory.  
> He has a interesting conversation with Tyler.  
> Also, I apologize if the English teacher speaks with incorrect grammar. Even as a native English speaker, my grammar skills are lacking, as you can clearly see in this work.  
> Also, I apologize for my incorrect details, because I think Tyler's right handed and in this story, it seems like he's left handed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, if you've been reading this since the beginning, I have made one edit that significantly changes the story, so I can fit more into my planned plot. I used to say that possibly when you "touched" your soulmate, the connection will stop, but I've changed it to "kissed" because that is an easier thing to work with.  
> Thank you to Twelve(person with account, check them out) and joshdunismyhusband (guest person) for their amazing help with this story, your comments and prompts have really helped this story along.  
> Also, thank you to everyone who's left kudos and comments, you guys make my day!  
> |-/

**[Addict with a Pen](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6802498/chapters/15535678)    **

 

 

Josh frowned and looked closer at the website. At the word, soulmark.

    He was on a sort of underground conspiracy theory site. Josh wasn't really all that into conspiracy theories. They were just people with active imaginations and free time. But when it related to soulmarks, Josh tried to find out everything he could. This website was written by a anonymous author called thegiganticbottleofwinehas1nvaded. Like Josh had said, very imaginative. This author was saying that someone with a lot of tattoos might be a soulmate. They were saying that people would tattoo words on themselves, so if they ever got the writing, it would be covered up, and any pictures, unless they were looked at very closely, would confirm that. 

      Josh had always wondered if there was a better way to cover up the ink rather than wearing long sleeves all the time, which was suspicious, not to mention really hot. He saw a few blurry pictures of tattoos, presumably taken in public without permission, with the faces blurred out. Well, at least the author offered that courtesy, less of a chance to get arrested if the government saw it. 

       He looked at the time on his computer. It was time to go to school. He bookmarked the tab in one of his many folders inside of folders, and cleared his history. He pulled a camo jacket over his plain black shirt, and ran his fingers through his bright purple hair. He looked at his tired eyes, somehow seeming quiet on his face. He pulled out a black eyeliner pen from under his bed in a shoe box, one that his parents didn't know about. He carefully drew around his eyes, and then used his thumb to smudge it. There. Now his eyes matched his inside. 

     

* * *

     

He headed to English once he got to school. He flopped into his seat, and made eye contact with both Debby and Tyler. Tyler smiled shyly. Debby mouthed, "I like your eyeliner." 

     "Thanks!" Josh mouthed back. He looked towards the front of the room as the teacher clapped once. "Okay. For this theme study, you're going to be in groups. No, you will not get to choose," she said, cutting off the questions forming on about half the class' lips. "I will choose your groups. Julliette, Alyssa, Conner, Jonathan. You're group one. Ivy, Deirdre, Colette, and Jesus, you're group two. Tyler M, Tyler J, and Josh, you're in group three." Josh stopped listening after that. He looked over at Tyler and smiled. He walked over to his desk. Tyler looked a little off.

        "Hey, is something wrong? Do you not want to work with me?" Tyler looked up, surprised. 

        "No, no, it's nothing like that. It's just... well, this is really weird. Um, I kind of don't like it when someone has the same name as me?"

        "Why's that?" Josh was curious.

       "Well, I don't know. It's just like, you're not unique. Someone else has the same name as me. There's actually 44 Tyler Josephs in the US. It just feels like you're not worth as much when your name's shared with someone else." Josh thought about that.

        "Wow. That's deep. I never really thought about it like that. And don't worry, you are worth plenty." Tyler turned slightly pink.

        "Oh, man, thanks. Um, you're worth plenty too." Josh felt warm. 

        "Thanks." At that point, the other Tyler, Tyler Two, as Josh was calling him in his head rambled over. 

        "So, what are we supposed to be doing?" 

* * *

          "So, who are you working with for English?" Debby asked Josh. 

          "Oh, um. Tyler- Tyler Joseph, and Tyler Monteath." Debby brushed her hair behind her ear. 

          "Oh, I'm sorry. About working with Tyler M, I mean." Debby said as Josh started to say something. "He's a slacker." One of her friends, Colette, leaned forward. 

           "He's not that bad. Also, Tyler Joseph? Isn't that the guy who just moved here? He's a little weird, but he's  _cute._ " Josh felt his ears turn slightly pink. 

          "Yeah, I guess." Josh felt a sudden urge to change the topic.

         "So, who did you guys get grouped with? What texts did you choose?" The conversation drifted over to other things. At one point, Debby laughed, and leaned onto Josh's shoulder for support as she wheezed. Colette looked at them in interest.

         "So, are you guys, like, a thing?" Debby turned red and leaned away from Josh.

          "Letti, stop!"

         "No, just friends." Josh said hurriedly. He didn't want any misunderstanding there. He was also revising his previous conclusion that he liked all of Debby's friends. Colette could be a bit obnoxious. She was boy crazy and loved to gossip. However, Blue and Cath were both pretty cool.

         Debby walked him to art class. She awkwardly tugged at the bottom of her tank top. "Sorry about Colette. She's not usually like... well, yes she is." Josh laughed slightly. 

         "Bye, Debby." Josh watched her walk away, and then walked into the art classroom. Tyler was sitting at their usual table, a funny expression on his face.

          "Was that your girlfriend?" Josh widened his eyes.

          "No, no! We're just friends!" Tyler looked unconvinced.

          "Okay. Well, you wouldn't have to be ashamed of it. She seems nice, and I guess she's pretty."

         "I guess. But I am definitely not dating her." Tyler nodded.  

          "Okay, that's cool too." Josh sat down next to Tyler, not touching, but their chairs were right next to each other.

       At one point in the class, Tyler tripped and put his hand on Josh's shoulder, and Josh stared a second too long at Tyler's hand. Tyler turned slightly pink and headed towards the front of the room to get paint. Josh cursed himself and his runaway mind. What was wrong with him? 

* * *

 

        When Josh got home, he reread the bookmarked conspiracy theory, and then looked online for more to do with it. To his surprise, there were several articles about this same theory, which normally didn't happen with the underground soulmark stuff. Josh clicked through the articles, feeling more and more- well, something, he didn't know what he was feeling- as he read more. What if this meant there was more people than he thought that were like him? He knew that every time he was in public from now on, he would stare a bit too long at people's tattoos, trying to detect ink that didn't seem like it was supposed to be there.

        He lay back in bed after shutting down his computer, and pulled his sleeve up to read the writing. 

         _Open the slits in your face and start your day_

_you don't have much time to make your slits look just right_

_look in the mirror and ask your soul if you're alright_

_put on the glitter that your soul hides behind_

Today, the ink was accompanied with a drawing of a radio. Josh sighed. He wondered what his arm would look like, when he turned 18 and put tattoos all up it. Probably his right arm, because that is where the ink normally was. He pulled his sleeve back over the writing, and turned over and tried to go to sleep. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh finds out some more about the soulmate underground.  
> Me writing this chapter:  
> Me: Looks at Josh suspiciously.  
> Me: Starts singing DENY, DENY, DENIAL  
> Me: Coughs and stops singing  
> Me: High fives Debby  
> Me: Sighs over the state of my attachment to the characters I write  
> Me: Actually, like, writes again  
> Again, thanks to rayisagirlsname (fantastic writer), Twelve (account user, check them out), and joshdunismyhusband (guest user). Also, I apologize for my grammar mistakes (this is barely proof read, and unbetad), both in this summary and the chapter, they were both written in a rush.  
> Also, I kind of love this horizontal bar, I just started using this, so I apologize for the overuse.  
> One more thing. Guys, if you think someone is getting hurt, tell someone. Don't wait for them to tell you, if you think they really need help and some sort of intervention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I'm posting this a little late. (Though I don't have an established posting schedule, so I suppose it's only late in my head.)  
> *guiltily looks at fic I was six months late in posting another chapter*  
> Anyway, stay safe, stay street, and stay alive|-/

     Josh looked at the headline of the news feed on his computer. "Gang activity in Southern Ohio." He clicked open the video. There was a lot of tattooed men and women, with dyed hair in abundance and all dressed in black, running away from a graffiti-ed building side. "INK MASTERS," it said in bold, colorful letters.

    Josh clicked out of the video, and went to google. He typed in Ink Masters. He scrolled through all the posts about the TV show, and eventually got to the gang. They apparently did stuff like this, minor vandalism and graffiti all over Ohio. He found more posts about the vandalism, until he finally found something of interest.

      It was another conspiracy theory from thegiganticbottleofwinehas1nvaded. This one was saying that the gang members were obviously all soulmates. They had tattoos, and their name was Ink Masters. The idea was brief, but Josh found his heart pounding. Of course. Of course. There were more soulmates out there, and they could tell him. They could tell him. He would just have to find them first. 

* * *

      Debby looked at Josh suspiciously. "So, what you're saying is, there's no one you like? Sorry to be like Colette," -Colette gave a mock outraged gasp- "but I don't believe that." Josh turned slightly red. 

        "Yep, it's true. I don't like anyone." He tried to sound convincing. Of course he didn't like anyone, who could he like? He was waiting for his soulmate, the girl who wrote poetry on her arm. Josh realized that without any warning, he had started to believe in soulmates. 

       "Okay. But you know, there is a really cute someone that you keep staring at in English." said Debby.

       "No, you're wrong, I have not been looking at any girls." Debby raised her eyebrow.

       "Did I say it was a girl?" Josh realized what she was trying to say. He turned beet red, and turned and hurried from the cafeteria. No, no, it wasn't true. He just liked Tyler as a friend. He just found him interesting. A little voice inside him spoke up.  _But you knew exactly who Debby was talking about. You were blushing._ Josh squashed the voice. He didn't want to listen to that.

* * *

     Again, Josh wondered how exactly you find a gang. He sighed and shook his head at himself. The things that he was doing and thinking this year would have been unthinkable a few months ago. But now he was sneaking out of the house, Making friends, even looking for a bloody gang! He was starting to wonder if all of this was too dangerous, if he should just go back to his small life of the internet and listening to his parents. Would that be enough, though? Would that keep him safe? What if taking these risks was the only way to truly live?

       Josh hated how even his own thoughts had become insecure questions. Wasn't anything sure? There was another question. Another thing he didn't know, couldn't be sure about. Was anything safe? Would any of these countless questions be answered?

      Josh's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of footsteps. He turned around and saw Tyler. Josh was confused. The only people who were normally here at this time were the people with after school activities, and Josh, about to walk home. 

      "Hey, Tyler. Are you doing an after school activity?" Tyler tried to smile. 

      "Hey, Josh. I missed the bus." Josh noticed that Tyler's eyes were slightly red, and his shoulders were hunched. 

      "Oh, I'm sorry. Are you okay?" Tyler avoided Josh's eyes. 

      "Yeah. The office told me to call my parents and get them to pick me up, but I think I'm just going to stay at school for the night." 

      "Can you even do that?" Tyler nodded.

     "They don't check the library." Josh felt a wave of sadness. Something was up with Tyler, something big, something important. Josh realized that one of his theories about where Tyler got the bruises was probably correct. Tyler had a bruise on his face, and was willing to stay at school overnight to avoid calling his parents. Josh wasn't sure what he could do. Tyler wouldn't tell him anything, but Josh didn't want Tyler to have to stay at school overnight to avoid staying home. Josh sighed.

     "You can stay at my house, if you want." Tyler's eyes widened slightly.

     "Really? You would do that? Your parents would be okay with that?" Josh looked at Tyler's hopeful eyes, and lied through his teeth.

     "Yeah, they would be cool with it." Tyler smiled shyly. "You can walk home with me, I guess." Tyler put his beanie on, and followed Josh out the door. They walked in silence down the sidewalks to Josh's house. When they got to Josh's house, Tyler looked around at the neat rows of flower's Josh's dad planted, the shiny cars in the garage, the welcome mat. Josh pulled the house key out of his backpack, and unlocked the door. "I'm home!" He called to the house. Josh's mother came out of the living room towards the door.

    "Hi, Josh." Her eyes fell on Tyler. "Oh, I see you've brought a friend. What's your name?" She said to Tyler, with a cheery (fake) smile. She was angry at Josh, angry that he would let anyone close, but Josh doubted that Tyler would notice. 

     "T-Tyler." said Tyler quietly. 

    "Hi, welcome to our house. Will you be staying for dinner?" Josh cut in.

   "Um, actually, Mom, I was wondering if he could stay at our house tonight. His parents are out of town, and he lost his house key. He just needs a place to crash tonight." Mrs. Dun smiled.

    "I'm sure he can stay here. Josh, would you go upstairs and show Tyler to your room?" Josh nodded and headed up the stairs, Tyler following him. Josh picked his laptop up off his bed, and put it on his desk. 

     "Just leave your stuff anywhere. " Tyler put his backpack in the corner of the room. He stood there awkwardly for a second. "Do you have any homework? Tyler thought for a second, then shook his head. 

     "There's nothing due tomorrow." Josh nodded. 

      "Okay. So, if you need anything, please tell me." Tyler nodded. He took his bright red beanie off and set it on his backpack. "You can take your hoodie off." The house was always warm.

     "No, that's okay." Tyler didn't even mention that Josh was wearing a hoodie too. Josh sat down on the floor. Tyler hesitated a second, and then sat down next to him. 

     "What do you like to do?" Josh asked Tyler. He felt like it was important, to know more about this boy, the first friend he'd ever had over at his house. Tyler looked surprised.

    "Me? I don't know, I guess I like music, and art, and writing and stuff." He looked uncomfortable and slightly shy. 

    "That's cool. What kind of music do you do?" Tyler blushed.

   "Um, I have a ukulele, so I do stuff with that. And I can do computer effects. I play the piano at school. And I sing, a little."   
 

     "I'm impressed. That takes a lot of talent to do all that. I play drums a bit, but I can't really sing. Can you sing something?" Josh wanted to hear Tyler's voice. Tyler looked at the ground. Josh thought he wasn't going to do it, but after thirty seconds, Tyler opened his mouth. 

    " _The young boy wants to move ahead/_ _And the old man sings rewind/_ _I wonder when in this time line/_ _We’ll break to the other side._ _Maybe there’s a span of time/_ _When we feel we’re neither nor/_ _Not wanting to go back again/_ _And not wanting to go forth."_ The words sounded a bit familiar. Tyler had a soft, sweet voice, with a unique quality that Josh couldn't really place. Tyler blushed again and looked at Josh. "I know I'm not very good. I normally do it with the piano-" Josh cut him off.

    "No, that was great! You're really talented." Tyler looked at the ground, unsure as to what to say. 

    "Um, thanks I guess, even though I'm not really talented. Can I hear you play drums?" Josh looked towards the door of his closet. The truth was, he hadn't played in weeks.

     "Sure, I'll give it a try. He stood up and went to his closet, and hauled out the drum kit. He picked up the drumsticks from the floor, and sat down at the drums. He started slowly, and steadily got faster, banging the sticks down on the drums with a fury. Tyler watched the entire time, arms around his knees, eyes on Josh. When Josh was clearly finished, Tyler started to clap. Josh smiled slightly at Tyler, and put the drumstick down. "Thanks." He was surprised his parents hadn't come up during that impromptu concert. 

     Josh sat back down next to Tyler. "We should start a band." Tyler giggled. 

     "Yeah, the two man drum ukulele band. I wish." Tyler said with a hint of sadness in his voice. 

      "Well, maybe not a band, but sometimes the music teacher lets us use the instruments during lunch." Tyler nodded.

      "Yeah, that's where I go for lunch. I just mess around with the piano." Josh smiled. 

      "Would you mind if I joined you sometime?" Tyler looked up from the floor.

       "Sure. We can use your sick as frick drumming skills to cover up my terrible piano skills and singing." Josh looked at Tyler, straight in the eye.

       "Stop being so down on yourself. Look, your voice is great. If you call your voice terrible, I can't wait to hear you play piano." Tyler blushed, for what seemed like the fifth time that night.

      "Really?"

     "Really." 

* * *

       "You can't sleep in jeans!" Josh protested. Tyler didn't look at him.

      "I'll be fine, I've done it before." Josh shook his head furiously. 

       "Nope, you are going to borrow a pair of my sweatpants. They may be a little short, but they should be fine." Tyler started to protest again, but Josh cut him off by throwing a pair of sweatpants at his head.

      "No arguing. Go change." Tyler grabbed the sweatpants from the floor and headed to the bathroom. When he came back, Josh looked at him. He had been right, they were a bit too short, but they fit fine. Tyler sat uncomfortably on the bed. Josh had said that Tyler could sleep with him in Josh's bed, and to his surprise, Tyler had agreed. Josh lay down next to Tyler. They both settled in under the covers, and were silent for a minute.

       "Goodnight, Josh." Josh smiled at the ceiling.

      "Goodnight, Tyler."

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's some internalized homophobia there, sorry.  
> Also, I apologize for my erratic and infrequent posting schedule.

Something had definitely changed. Other than the music at lunch. Other than being watched even more closely by his parents.

         _"Josh, I thought we told you that you can't have anyone over, ever._  _I know it's disappointing, but it's too dangerous. What if something had happened?"_

_"It won't happen again, I promise, Dad."_

_"It better not. You've slipped up entirely too many times recently."_

        Now Josh wasn't allowed to leave the house at all, just to go to school and church. His Dad said that this would be lifted when he could, "take care of his own problems." 

      

      The thing that changed wasn't the music at lunch, either. Although that was nice. Josh and Tyler would go to the music room and mess around. Tyler was amazing at lyrics, and was great at making music from scratch. They would joke around about making a band, not really serious, but there was the mutual agreement that they would combine their talents to make music. Tyler even wrote new songs just for them. Josh was completely content. Those days where he could lose himself in the music, banging out his emotion on the drums, softly mouthing Tyler's words, Tyler's wonderful, broken words.

      Sometimes Debby and her friends would come down and listen, but it still felt like something private between him and Tyler, something special. 

      It was something about the way they talked. It was looser, deeper, more together. They were more comfortable, bumping into each other and laughing. Debby raised her eyebrow suspiciously when she saw them, and looked at Josh. Josh blushed and ignored her. She was wrong, wasn't she? 

    But sometimes, when Tyler was singing or drawing, Josh would catch himself staring, at the way Tyler's eyelashes left shadows on his face, on the curve of his neck and... Wait. Stop. He couldn't think like that, it was wrong. 

    So he ignored Debby and her suggestions, as well as his wrong thoughts. He firmly told himself that he wanted Tyler to just be his friend, and told himself that every time he saw a new bruise bloom on Tyler's jaw or neck, that he didn't want to kiss every wound.

      That would be completely wrong, for them to be anything more than friends. Tyler would be horrified if Josh voiced any of his awful thoughts. So Josh pretended. He tried to convince himself and everyone else. Sometimes, Josh even believed it.  _I don't like Tyler. He's a good friend. I want him to be better. But being a soulmate on top of gay, that's too much. I'm not that messed up._

* * *

      "Hey, Josh?" Tyler rubbed his neck anxiously. 

      "What do you do if you have secrets, and you want to tell someone, but it's too dangerous?" Josh was startled. That was what he did every day! Josh had no idea what to say. 

      "Just try and stay safe. If you can safely share, do that, but if you think it's unsafe, don't say anything." 

       "Okay. You stay safe too. " Josh was unsure what to say. 

       " Stay alive. Okay." Why did he say  _alive_? Tyler shook his head sadly. "Promise."

       "That's not something I - or anyone- can promise."

      "Please?"

     "I don't know."  

      

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jenna, another of my sweet babies comes in. (Okay, look guys. I know, in real life, Debby and Josh aren't together. That's cool. But I like Debby as a character, so she is included.)  
> Also, I know all of the real people in this fic that are mentioned are awesome, but for the sake of the story, his parents are abusive.  
> And did I already mention that in fic, Tyler doesn't have siblings?  
> Again I CAN NOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH  
> If someone is being hurt, get them help, no matter what.

       

Josh walked up to the school. He ran his hand through his hair, deep in thought. The purple was fading, but it was still clearly there. He was wondering exactly how one finds a gang, which was another messed up problem. He walked through the students milling about outside the school. He spied Tyler across the courtyard. He was about to call out to him, a smile already on his face, when he noticed the blond girl next to him, who he was obviously deep in conversation with. Josh sidled up to them, trying to hear what they were saying.

"Tyler, I know I'm not your first choice for helping you, but I am your next door neighbor, and I care about you."

"I don't need your help."

"Would you stop with that? Tell me again, when you run out of your house, a bruise on your face, and spend the night in your tree house, crying. Tell me again when your Dad screams at you to get out of his house, and I can hear your mother crying in the house. There's nothing wrong with your reaction, but this does need help!"

"Please don't tell anyone."

"I won't, I promised. But Tyler, I think you should reconsider. I know you're worried about your mother getting in trouble too if you tell someone, or him taking it out on her, but this can't go on!"

"Jenna, I'm fine." At this point, Josh was shaking.

Of course. Of course. Of course that's what was happening. That's why sweet Tyler kept getting hurt, Tyler's beautiful face kept getting purple marks on it. That also explained why Tyler wouldn't tell anyone. How could Josh be so blind? Jenna could see it. Jenna was there for Tyler.

Josh took a deep breath, and walked up to Jenna and Tyler.

"Tyler, we need to talk."

"How much did you hear?"

"All of it."

"Oh."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want anyone to know. I also don't want to drag other people into it. I don't want to give you my troubles and demons! What kind of friend would I be if I did that?"

"You can confide in friends. Unless you don't trust me?" Josh was struck with that sudden idea. Tyler turned to face Josh.

"No, no. It's not like that. I trust you. I think, right now, you're like my best fren. Jenna wasn't supposed to know. She just found out." Josh smiled slightly when Tyler called him his "best fren" but quickly grew serious again.

"But Jenna's right. You should tell someone. Someone that can help you."

"You found out. You help me." Josh smiled sadly once more.

"I certainly hope so. But I meant someone who can stop the..." Josh's voice shook slightly. "The abuse." Tyler looked at Josh, and then at the ground.

"It's not abuse, really. Not to me at least. It doesn't matter if he hurts me. I deserve it. " Josh tried to interrupt, but Tyler stopped him. "Let me finish. I mean, I don't want him to hit me. I don't want him to call me names. It's not right that whenever he drinks or something goes wrong that he lashes out. But... I get why he'd lash out at me. I'm worthless. And better me than my mother." Josh felt a wave of sadness, and anger for the man that made Tyler feel like this. 

     "No. No. Stop thinking like that. You're amazing. You're worth so much. It's never okay for someone to hurt you. Or your mother. You are worth so, so much. I don't want you to get hurt. Jenna doesn't want you to get hurt. Your mother doesn't either. I just want to help! I want to stop people from hurting you. I just want you to tell me. "

     "Okay."

      "And I get why you're worried about your mother. She doesn't deserve any backlash for this. But I don't think, if you tell the right person, that your mother would be in trouble. At least, I hope not. But it's not okay. That you should have to live like this. "

      "Please don't tell anyone." Josh sighed, and looked Tyler in the eye.

      "You have to promise to tell me every time it happens. " Tyler looked like he was struggling with himself for a second.

      "I- I promise." 

      "I won't tell anyone, as long as you tell me Every. Single. Time." Tyler nodded. 

      "Okay." 

      "Did he hit you today?" Tyler nodded again, unable to meet Josh's eyes. 

       "Can I see?" Tyler looked up, real fear in his eyes.

       "No! No no no no." He started shaking. Josh was scared. He put his arm around Tyler. Tyler flinched. There was so much in that movement that hurt Josh. That Tyler would have learned to flinch when someone hit him. That he was even scared of his friends.

      "Tyler. Tyler. Look at me. I'm not going to hurt you. I will never hurt you. I will never, ever, hurt you." Tyler nodded, tears streaming out of his eyes. "I just want you to be okay." Josh could feel tears streaming down his face, but he didn't care. 

     Tyler leaned into Josh's chest, still shaking. Josh tightened his grip around Tyler, shielding him from the world.  "I'm so, so, sorry for dragging you into this. I never wanted you near this. I want you as far away as possible from me, because everyone close to me just gets hurt."

     "Hey. Hey. That's not going to happen. I'm going to stay right here for you. It is not your fault, that people care about you, that they want you to be safe, and alive. It is not your fault that you are being hurt. It is not your fault." Tyler relaxed. They stayed like that for a while, leaning into each other on the bathroom floor, not even caring when a boy from English came and got them, and their teacher chewed them out for skipping class.

      They didn't even care when the boy whispered what position he had found them in to all the people around them, and made fun of them for crying. That wasn't important. What was important was Tyler. 

 _I don’t know_  
_Where I’m supposed to go_  
_So I might just_  
_Take my pride and go_  
_Some people, they know, know everything_  
_But I know that they don't know my heart_  
  
_Cause I believe in love_  
_And I hope I can show you what I mean_  
_And I don't believe love's for me_  
_So won't you come around and prove me wrong_  

The words had a wistful tone today, with a hopeful undertone. Josh hoped that, wherever his soulmate was, she got what she was looking for. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow, okay. Ten chapters. You probably hate this, but I'm going to keep posting it, because now I'm invested.   
> Basically, I'm destroying Tyler here. But hopefully *winks* things will get better. Maybe.  
> There's probably going to be a lot of ups and downs. I think. Nothing is confirmed.

      Josh stood by the bench, worriedly waiting for Tyler. This was their meeting place in the mornings, Where Josh would walk, and Tyler would eventually roll in on the bus. They'd go inside, maybe snagging a few minutes in the music room before going to English. Normally, Tyler was only a few minutes later than Josh, shyly smiling. Recently, there had been no fresh injuries. There had also been less writing on Josh's arm, the ink only appearing a few days a week. 

     Today, though, the bus had come, and Tyler wasn't on it. Josh knew that meant that Tyler was probably sick, or something like that, and wouldn't be coming to school. But something kept him waiting, in hope (or fear if something was wrong) that Tyler would arrive. 

      He was glad he'd waited, because a few minutes before the bell was about to ring, Tyler came running up to the school, panting and- Was he crying? Was that a new bruise over his eye? Josh hurried over. Tyler launched himself into Josh's arms, shaking. 

     "He says he'll kill me next time. He kept hitting my mother, over and over again, and she was about to pass out, and she was crying..." Tyler wracked in sobs. "And I tried to step in, and he turned on me. He says he'll kill me and her if I intervene again. And that I'm not his son, I'm worthless and useless and nobody loves me, and I better give up now before someone makes me. He says if I don't, he'll make me." 

     Josh ran his fingers through Tyler's soft brown hair, his strong arms around Tyler's taller, shaking frame. He felt a rush of anger towards Tyler's father. No, not his father. The monster hurting Tyler. The monster who had destroyed Tyler and his mother, mentally and physically. 

    "Shh. It's going to be okay. But you have to tell someone. You have to. This has gone too far. If you don't, I'll tell someone. This can't go on." Tyler looked up, fear in his eyes. 

    "I-"

    "No, Tyler. This is the end. This is too far." Josh ran his finger gently over the bruise on Tyler's eye. Tyler grimaced, but didn't move away. "This can't keep happening. You need to be safe. Your mother needs to be safe. Your silence won't save her." Tyler stood all the way up, and wiped his eyes.

    "You're right. You're right. But. I'm so afraid. He keeps telling me what he'll do to me, and to her, if I tell anyone." Josh looked into Tyler's eyes.

    "Tyler. Tyler. What did he say he would do?" Tyler shook his head, tears streaming down his face again. His breathing sped up. Soon he was at a rate that he was hyperventilating. "Shh. Shh." Josh held him the whole time. Eventually, Tyler's breathing slowed down. 

    "So, English? Even though we're like, twenty one minutes late." Josh smiled slightly.

    "No. You're not getting out of this. We are going to tell someone." Tyler breathed in deeply.

    "Okay." He gathered his strength. "Okay. But let me wash my face first."

     Josh nodded, and they headed towards the bathroom. Josh stood, waiting. Tyler looked up and sniffed. "How do I look?" 

     "Better." Tyler pulled the sleeves down on his hoodie.

      "Who should we tell?" Josh debated for a minute. 

       "The guidance counselors. They'll know what to do." Tyler nodded. He still looked full of dread. Impulsively, Josh held out his hand to Tyler. Tyler hesitated, and then took it. "I'll be there the whole time."

      "What if they try to get you to leave?"

      "Then I'll go kicking and fighting." Tyler smiled slightly. 

      "Okay." They walked through the hall, holding hands. 

* * *

       "He said what?" Mrs. Sceva paced anxiously. Tyler looked at the ground. Mrs. Sceva sighed. "I'm sorry Tyler, but are you sure Josh should be here? This is a very private thing we're talking about here." Tyler nodded.

      "I want him here with me." Mrs. Sceva sighed again.

       "Okay. It's not regulation, but if he helps that much, he can stay. Just tell me if you want him to leave, okay?" Tyler nodded.

       "I won't, but okay."

       Josh stayed silent the entire time. He was in shock, listening to the horrible things pouring out of Tyler's mouth. How was Tyler still here? How was he not a crumpled mess in a corner somewhere, hands over his ears? This should have destroyed him. How was Tyler this degree of okay? Josh realized there were hot tears running down his face.

    Tyler was so strong. And so broken. He should never have had to believe that he wasn't enough. Mrs. Sceva stopped again, and looked at Josh's face. 

    "Do you need to leave?"

    "No. I want to hear. " Mrs. Sceva looked slightly annoyed, but nodded. Her face filled with concern again as she looked at Tyler. 

     "I'm so sorry this has happened to you." 

      Mrs. Sceva and Tyler talked for over an hour, with Josh sitting on the floor silently. Eventually, the conversation turned to what could be done about it, rather than what had happened.

     "And obviously, you can't stay at home. We will try and get the police over there, to get your mother. Is there a place you can stay tonight?" Tyler looked at Josh.

     "He can stay at my house. " Josh confirmed. Mrs. Sceva nodded. 

     "Okay. We're going to get this sorted out, don't you worry." Tyler inclined his head.

* * *

      The entire day was spent in the guidance office, working out what would happen. Mrs. Sceve spent a lot of it phoning the right people, the ones who could help Tyler. Josh spent most of it with his arm around Tyler. Tyler had his head on Josh's shoulder. He had stopped crying, but he was staring into the distance. 

     "You'll be okay. You'll get through this." Tyler nodded at Josh.

     "You're the best friend."  

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I know the Car Radio thing actually happened, but for the sake of the story, it's just a metaphor.

     Josh's mother would probably stay mad for the next month. This was the second time that he had brought Tyler home, even if he had a really good reason. He saw the anger in his mother's eyes when he walked in, with Tyler trailing behind.

    "Oh, Josh." She said, taking things in. "I see you've brought Tyler. "  Josh nodded. 

    "He's going to stay over tonight, if that's okay. " Josh's mom nodded. 

    "Of course! Tyler, do you remember where Josh's room is?" Tyler nodded silently, dread in his eyes. "Go ahead and put your stuff up there. I'm going to talk to Josh for a second." Tyler whispered a,

    "Thank you." and headed upstairs. As soon as Tyler was completely up the stair's, Ms. Dun turned to Josh. 

    "What were you thinking?" she hissed. "Are you trying to get killed?" Concern shone on her face as she searched her son's face. Josh looked her in the eye.

    "He just needs a place to crash for a night or two. It's really important. There's some big problems going on at home, and they're getting sorted out right now." 

   "Can you give me any details?" Josh sighed.

    "No, I can't tell you anything. I'm sorry." She was silent for a moment. 

   "Well, I hope it's important." She hugged Josh quickly, in a rare moment of affection. "I'm proud of you, my brave boy." She whispered in his ear. Josh was startled. He was about to say something when Tyler softly walked down the stairs. Ms. Dun released Josh and smiled at Tyler. "All settled in." Tyler smiled slightly at her.

   "Yeah. Thank you for letting me stay." Ms. Dun's face softened at his quiet gratitude.

   "Of course. It's no trouble." She left the room. Josh turned to face Tyler.

   "Hey, are you okay?" Tyler nodded, then shook his head.

   "I'm so scared. What's going to happen? What about my Mom? Where will I go? What will we do? What'll happen to my dad?" Josh stepped forward and hugged Tyler.

    "Hey, man, it's going to be okay." Tyler nodded, still clearly worried. Josh started walking up the stairs to his room, Tyler following. Josh pushed the door open. He walked to the bed and patted the spot next to him. Tyler sat down, messing with a stray thread on his hoodie. Josh stayed silent, watching Tyler's hands. 

    "Do you think that my Dad will go to jail?" Josh sighed, and looked into Tyler's dark brown eyes.

    "I don't know, Tyler. I really don't know. Probably. I don't know much about this. But probably. I mean, the level of abuse he did... that is serious. The authorities can't ignore that. They'll have to do something about that. And it'll help you and your mom both to be away from him." Tyler nodded, his brow furrowed.

    "I just- God, I don't know. My conscious mind is telling me that my Dad is a terrible person, and he's wrong to say and do the things he does to me. But sometimes I think, 'What if he's right? What if there is something wrong with me?' And I just can't help but feel guilty that I'm getting him in trouble. That's probably messed up. Yeah, that's messed up for me to think that. But I just can't help it."

     Josh turned and looked at Tyler. He was silent for a moment, looking at Tyler dark eyes ringed in a purple bruise, the red beanie pulled over his hair, and the trembling lip. Then he put his hands on Tyler's shoulders. 

    "That's not messed up. Emotions are complicated, and sometimes they feel random and without a reason. And that's okay. I don't want you to feel guilty, though. This is not your fault. There is nothing wrong with you. Okay?" Tyler smiled slightly. 

    "Yeah, emotions suck." Josh nodded in agreement. 

      "Do you want to try playing some music? Would that make you feel better?" Tyler silently nodded. Josh went to get his drums out of the closet. Tyler hesitated, then opened his mouth.

     "Um, do you have a laptop I can use? I was wondering if I could try some computer effects. "

      "Sure." Josh went to his desk. He pulled up the laptop and made sure he deleted his history (better to be safe than sorry) then handed it to Tyler. Tyler pulled up a website and logged in. Josh started beating out a simple rhythm on the drums. Tyler pulled up a file from his account.

     "Okay. Here's something I've been working on." Josh became quiet, and turned the volume up on his computer. A noise came softly from the computer. It was a bit distorted (It was a crappy PC) but it was clearly Tyler's voice.

    " _I ponder of something great. My lungs will fill and then deflate. They fill with fire, exhale desire, I know it's dire, my time today."_  Josh and Tyler quietly listened, Tyler stealing glances at Josh. Josh was busy listening. The lyrics were fantastic, and the sound effects cool. When computer-Tyler screamed, Josh looked up in surprise. 

 "I didn't know you were into screamo." Tyler blushed.

"I'm not. But some things... they're just meant to be screamed." Josh nodded. He'd never thought about it before, but it was an interesting point. Sometimes he wanted to scream, and music was one way to do that without being taken to an insane asylum. 

    "It's really good. Did your car radio really get stolen?" Tyler shook his head. 

    "Nah, it's a metaphor. For like, a distraction from thoughts. Would you play the drums? I feel like the song would be better with that." 

     "Okay, sure." Josh went back to his drums. Tyler started the song again, Josh listening and playing around with a beat. By the fourth time the song had played, Josh had a beat worked out and Tyler was singing along. 

     There was a knock on the door that was barely discernible over the music. Ms. Dun stepped in. 

    "That was... interesting music. Wash up, dinner's about to be served." 

     "Okay, thanks, Mom." 

 "Thank you Ms. Dun." She smiled. 

* * *

 Dinner was surprisingly enough, not awkward. Tyler laughed along with them, and even made a few jokes of his own. He didn't let his worry show, even though Josh knew it was there. When they were finished with dinner, Tyler and Josh went back to Josh's room. 

 "You okay?" Josh asked, as Tyler collapsed on the bed. 

 "Yeah. Well, no. I'm tired and worried." Josh shot him a sympathetic look. 

 "I'm sorry. How about we go to bed?" Tyler nodded. "You can borrow some clothes for tonight, and tomorrow. Josh went digging through his drawers, pulling out his longest shirts and pants. "Here." 

 Tyler thanked him, and went to the bathroom to get changed. He kept his hoodie on, even though Josh had offered him several shirts. 

 They lay back on the bed, staring at the ceiling for a while. About fifteen minutes after they stopped talking, Tyler spoke again.

 "Do you really think Mom will be alright?" Josh turned with difficulty to face him. 

 "Yeah, I really do. Now try and get to sleep and stop worrying about it." 

 "Okay. Goodnight."

 "Goodnight."   


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler sees the ink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> josH and Tyler are really having some interesting times here.

            Josh woke up in the morning and was unsure as to where he was. He had his own bedroom, why was there other breathing next to him? He turned over and saw Tyler, quietly breathing. With his eyes closed and unlined, and his mouth relaxed, Tyler looked younger. The bruise around his eye seemed better in the morning light. Josh breathed in and out quietly, not wanting to disturb Tyler's peace. He slid towards the side of the bed, sitting up and combing his fingers through his hair. 

        He yawned, pulling his sleeves down. He looked back at Tyler, who was still sleeping peacefully. He decided it was safe to slip out of his sweatpants and pull on a pair of jeans. He headed towards his shoes when the floor creaked. He looked over at Tyler. Tyler was stirring, lines reappearing on his forehead. He opened his eyes, pushing the covers off. 

     "Josh?" Tyler looked confused. After a few seconds his eyes cleared, and he smiled. 

     "Good morning." 

    "Morning. Sleep okay?" Tyler frowned a little. 

    "Yeah, surprisingly. I didn't think I'd sleep at all." Josh smiled. 

    "Well I'm glad that you did sleep, contrary to your expectations. " Tyler smiled back, and then his face lost all joy.

    "Oh my god, I need to know what happened. I'm so anxious. What is going on? No one told me anything." His face looked crumpled. 

     "Hey. As soon as we get to school, we're going right to Mrs. Sceva's. She'll know what's going on." Tyler looked slightly relieved. 

     "Thanks. I'm sorry for dragging you into this. This isn't even your problem, but you're the one figuring out what to do." Tyler choked. Josh sat down next to Tyler. 

    "No, no, you didn't drag me into this. I want to be in this. I want to fight for you, because you matter, and I know you might not do it yourself. I just want you to be okay, and I'm going to do that every way I can." Tyler looked up with his shadowed eyes and smiled sweetly at Josh.

     "You're the frickin' best. I hope you know that. I don't deserve any fren like you." Josh smiled at Tyler's use of the word 'fren.'

      "You deserve that and better, Tyler." Josh wanted to move on from this subject. "Anyway, let's get you some clothes to wear." He went to the pile of clothes on the chair that he had gathered last night. "You can try some of these." Tyler grabbed the clothes and went to the bathroom. As soon as Josh was sure Tyler was gone, he pulled his sleeve up.  

       The words were faded this time, like they'd been there for a few days. 

_You know where I'm coming from_   
_Though I am running to you_   
_All our feelings deny, deny, denial_

Josh felt sympathy for his soulmate. These words made as much sense as any he'd seen written on his arm so far. He thought he knew what she meant this time. He shook the thought off, but didn't pull his sleeve up. Instead, he stared at the words and the drawing of a pen next to it. He was so lost in thoughts, (yes, they were about THAT, that he didn't want to think about) that he didn't hear Tyler's footsteps as he came out of the bathroom.

     "What do you think? It's a bit short..." Tyler's voice trailed off as he saw the red ink on Josh's arm. "Oh." Josh was struck with a sudden terror.

     He janked his sleeve down. After all his care, (well, less care recently), his fears had finally come true. But Tyler's face smoothed, and he kept talking. "But I think it will work, don't you?" Josh nodded numbly.

      Tyler kept talking as they got their things together for school. He seemed to be rambling about anything, people at school, music, whatever topic seemed to be fine with him, even though Josh only gave short, one word answers.  Josh wasn't really sure what it meant, but at least Tyler wasn't running for a phone to call the police. 

     They went downstairs, grabbing fruit from the fridge, and saying goodbye to Ms. Dun. 

     They walked in silence for a few minutes, Tyler apparently having ran out of topics. They were each lost in their own thoughts for the first five minutes of the walk, before Tyler broke the silence. 

     "What's going to happen? Josh, I'm so scared." Tyler's voice cracked at the word 'Josh.'

     "I don't know. We're going to find out soon, okay?" 

     "Okay. Sorry, I'm just being paranoid." Josh gave a bitter laugh.

     "Worrying about life changing things you have no control over isn't paranoid. You'd be stupid not to." 

     "Yeah."

     

    They continued the walk in silence. When they got to school, Tyler sighed and stopped at the doors. Josh looked at him.

      "You ready?" Tyler exhaled. 

      "I suppose I have to be." They walked forward into the school.

    Josh was looking at Tyler the whole way, and wasn't paying attention to where he was walking, this ending up into running into a teacher.

     "Josh! And Tyler. Why didn't you attend my class yesterday?" Josh looked at the ground, and then up at her. He opened his mouth for some excuse, but his brain was drawing a blank. To his surprise, and apparently their teacher's, Tyler broke in.

     "We've been talking to the guidance counselor. There's something going on at home." She looked surprised.

      "Oh, I'm sorry. Are you two related?" Josh smiled sweetly at her.

      "No." He left it there, and he and Tyler walked through the hall to Mrs. Sceva's room. 

* * *

      "They're both being questioned right now. I'm sorry Tyler, I tried to get something done about your mother, but I think they really need to talk to both of them. And probably you too." Tyler nodded, eyes downcast. "I'm really sorry to bring this up again, but does Mr. Dun really have to be here? This is a private matter about you and your family." Tyler spoke up.

    "That man is not my father. He is not my family. My mother, maybe, but not him. I'd rather have Josh here than either of them, though. I'm going to do this with Josh, or not at all. I need the support." Mrs. Sceva didn't like it, but she let it rest.

    "Okay. Fine. But he needs to make himself scarce when someone official comes. " Both Josh and Tyler nodded. Tyler was twisting his sleeve back and forth, which reminded Josh of Tyler's sighting of the ink on his arm. 

     Did Tyler know what it was? He probably did. If not, how could he have reacted like that? But Tyler hadn't brought it up, and there was obviously something more important on his mind. 

     Mrs. Sceva left to make a phone call after that. When she came back, she looked at Josh. "You need to leave now. Tyler, someone's coming to talk to you." 

     Josh stood up. "Bye, Tyler." 

      "Bye." He looked at the time, and headed to English. Everyone looked at him as he walked in. He walked up to the teacher and whispered why he was late in her ear. She nodded, and he headed to his seat.

 

 

      For the rest of the day, Josh couldn't focus. His thoughts were on Tyler in the guidance office, and occasionally on the ink on his arm. What was going on? 

     At lunch was the only time that he focused on something other than Tyler and the ink. The blond girl, Jenna, came up to him at lunch. She nodded at Debby and the other girls. 

     "We need to talk." 

     Josh left with her and they went to the library. He told her the entire story in whispers. Something told him that she was to be trusted. Jenna's face was shocked by the time he'd finished.

      "That's why the men came last night! And that's why I didn't see you or Tyler yesterday. This makes so much sense! Oh, I hope Tyler's okay. I just want everything to be okay." 

    "Me too."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments and tell me what you think's going to happen! How are you liking the fic so far? How was your day?


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried drawing some of the things Josh's soulmate wrote/drew on their arm, but I AM NOT ARTISTIC. I wish someone who could actually draw was writing this fic, because it would be really cool to actually see what the words look like.  
> I tried to do the words in a shape at the bottom of this chapter, because the drawing I did was terrible, so try and imagine the words down there with a house shape I guess.
> 
> Nothing exciting really happened this chapter. I'm just letting Josh simmer.

         The next day after talking to Jenna, Josh didn't see Tyler at all at school. He tried to focus on schoolwork and not think about the life changing decisions that were probably going on right now. 

        When Tyler hadn't come home with Josh, he assumed that Tyler had some other place to stay. He even went down to guidance, and knocked on Mrs. Sceva's door. She opened it hurriedly, and seeing it was Josh, looked disappointed. Before Josh had even started talking, she answered.

      "No, I can't tell you anything. Yes, Tyler is okay. He has a place to stay, you need not be involved right now." Josh closed his mouth, realizing he had had it open the whole time she was answering his unspoken questions. 

      "Oh. Um, thanks." Mrs. Sceva closed the door. Josh tried to see what was going on through the frosted glass panels around the door, but could only make out that there were several people in the room.

    He walked home, lost in thought. When he got home, his mother was in the kitchen. Josh set his backpack down and walked in there. 

   She looked up from the sauce she was stirring and smiled slightly. "Hello. Is Tyler here today?" Josh shook his head, and went to the fridge to get a snack. "You know dinner's going to be ready in about an hour and a half." His mother said in a sing song. 

     "Oh. Okay. Josh closed the fridge and walked out of the room. He grabbed his backpack and went up the stairs. 

     When he got to his room, he flopped down on his bed. He stared at the ceiling for a minute or so, and then sat up and unzipped his backpack. He pulled out his math homework, and tried to start on it. 

     Ten minutes later, he gave up. How could he focus on his statistics analysis when Tyler was there somewhere, finding the fate of himself and his parents? Josh was stressing out. He didn't like know knowing what was happening to his- best friend? Was best friend the right word? 

     Josh decided it was. Tyler was the only person he had ever gotten close to, and Tyler had gotten close to him, and apparently trusted him above everyone else. 

     He hadn't told Tyler his secret, but, he realized, with a sickening feeling, Tyler had probably found out yesterday. Josh should probably be worried about himself. 

      What if Tyler told? Josh didn't think he would, but this would certainly change  _something._ However, the longer Josh thought about it, the more he realized he wasn't all that worried. He had resigned himself to fate, given up worrying about things he couldn't control (well, this thing he couldn't control.) What did it matter what happened to him? He wasn't all that important. 

       Today, the words were there, crowding his arm. They were inside a house, and this time they weren't in red ink, which was surprising, as she only usually wrote in red ink. Today they were thick and black. 

_She_

_asked me,_

_"Son when I_

_grow old, will you_

_buy me a house of gold?_

_And when your father turns_

_to stone, will you take care of me?"_

_I will make you queen of everything you see_

_I'll put you on the map, I'll cure you of disease._

_Let's say we up and left this town, and turned our_

_futures upside down, we'll make pretend that you and_

_me, lived ever after happily. And since we know that_

_dreams are dead, and life turns plans up on their head,_

_I will plan to be a bum, so then I might become someone._

Around the house of words (of gold?) there were drawings of scars, like Jack The Pumpkin King's mouth. There was even one of these drawings over Josh's wrist, thick and dark. That was a little worrisome. Was his soulmate okay? He knew that injuries to the arm wouldn't show up on his, but even the drawing of the scar over the wrist pointed to someone in a dark place.

     Josh sighed and turned back to his homework. He tried for a second time, but the numbers just seemed to swim in front of his eyes. He shoved the paper roughly away and pulled out his phone. He looked at Jenna's contact in his phone. He stared for a second. Should he call her? He sighed, and hit the call button. She picked up on the fifth ring.

     "Hey. Josh?" 

     "Yeah. Hi. Um." Josh realized how weak his voice sounded, and that he didn't really know what to say.

      "What?" Jenna didn't sound exasperated yet, just tired. 

      "I was wondering if you knew anything about Tyler?" Josh ended the statement with a question mark. He was wondering yes, but his desperate plea for everything, anything, about Tyler came through.

    " Unfortunately, no. I don't know any more than you. All I can tell you is no one has been home since the night Tyler told the counselor. No one's told me anything. " Jenna seemed even more tired now, and Josh realized that she wanted to know about Tyler as much as he did. 

    "Oh, yeah. Okay. Well, obviously, I don't know anything, or I wouldn't be calling you." There was a rustling sound on the other side of the phone. 

    "Call me if you learn anything else. I have to go." 

   "Bye."

   "Goodbye." Josh hit the end button, and flopped back onto his bed. He drummed his fingers on his collar bone. She didn't know either. He tried to resign himself to the fact that he probably wouldn't learn anything until he saw Tyler again. Would he see Tyler again? The idea sprang up. What if he never saw Tyler again? They had no way to contact each other (Tyler didn't have a phone, and Josh didn't know his email) and what if Tyler stopped going to the school? Tyler would try to contact him, right? 

     Josh just got more anxious as he thought about these possibilities. He decided to leave his homework for tomorrow morning, and rolled over on his bed, trying to go to sleep, still in his clothes and knowing full well it wasn't even dinner time yet. 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I left Chris and Nick out completely. For the sake of the story, they are not here.

       Josh did see Tyler the next day after he talked to Jenna. Actually, Jenna did call him a second time, the next morning.

       "Josh!" she said, a second after he answered the phone. "I have news about Tyler. He's going to be staying at my house for a while until his mother can take him. She's in rehab. His dad's under arrest." Josh nodded in satisfaction. Good. The Dad should be in jail. 

     "That's good. Are they doing anything to help Tyler?"

      "I don't know for sure, but I think they're getting him a therapist or something." Josh sighed in relief. That was good. Tyler should get help. Not that there was anything wrong with him, but he deserved to feel okay. 

     "That's good. I hope that will help. Will he be coming to school soon?" 

     "Yeah. He's coming today. He'll be riding with my family and I when they drop me off." Josh smiled, and then realized that she couldn't see him.

     "Okay, cool. See you guys at school." 

     "Bye."

      "Bye." 

       Jenna ended the call. Josh put it in his pocket and looked out the window to see the weather. It was raining, so he pulled on two hoodies and pulled the hood over. He walked downstairs with his backpack. 

    "Josh!" He turned and saw his mother coming towards him with an umbrella. 

    "It's pouring out there! Let me take you." 

    "It's fine, Mom, really." He loved his Mom, but he wanted those daily walks that kept him in somewhat of a shape and gave him a time to run and think. She sighed. 

    "Well, at least take an umbrella." She handed it to him, and Josh took it.

    "Okay. Thanks, Mom." 

     "Bye!" She called as he walked out the door. "Love you!" Josh was startled. She usually didn't say that.

     "Love you too." He said quietly, and then walked down the driveway. 

      Josh liked the rain. Well, it made him sad, a little ache he couldn't quite explain. He felt alone and small. It wasn't entirely an unpleasant feeling. The world felt bigger, and changed when it rained. He closed the umbrella, and let the rain come down. He didn't want to be in that small little bit of protected place. He wanted to be exposed to the sky. 

     His jacket got soaked, and his head was spinning with all his thoughts, and there were so many things that could go wrong, but somehow Josh wasn't afraid.  He wasn't exactly happy, but he wasn't upset. 

     When he got to school, he was dripping. There was no one outside, so he decided to go to English. When he got there, the teacher looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "You have an umbrella, and yet you are still dripping." Josh blushed. The teacher went back to grading papers, so he didn't respond. 

     He slid into his seat, and looked for Tyler. There he was, in his usual seat, bruise fading. Josh got up and headed over to him. "Hey." Tyler looked up and smiled delightedly. 

    "Oh, Hey Josh." 

    "Glad to see you at school." 

    "Glad to be back and not being questioned in someone's office. " There were shadows under Tyler's eyes, and it looked like he had barely slept. 

    "Are you okay?" Josh inquired in a hushed tone. 

    "I guess. My mother's getting help, and isn't around my dad anymore. And I'm at Jenna's, which is nice." Josh felt a slight pang in his chest at that, but he ignored it. 

     "That's good. Do you want to go to music during lunch?" Tyler nodded.

     "Yeah. That'll be good." Josh headed back to his seat when prompted with a cough by his teacher.

 

     The lessons crawled by. Josh was anxious to be in the music room, alone with Tyler. He wanted Tyler to be distracted. Even though Tyler said he was fine, Josh could see that there was something broken in his face. 

     

    In art, Tyler leaned against Josh's shoulder. 

    "That's cool." He muttered sleepily, referring to Josh's painting of a crow. 

    "Thanks." Tyler closed his eyes for a minute, and then lifted his head. 

    "I think I'll do a flightless bird for my painting." Josh smiled at Tyler.

   "That'll be cool. Like, a penguin?" Tyler nodded.

    "Penguins are cute. Or maybe something else. Like an ostrich. Or an emu. " Tyler smiled. "Those are the ones I can think of." 

    "Yeah, that will be really cool. That's a nice idea, especially in the metaphor of it." Tyler yawned and nodded.

     "That's what I was thinking. " He was silent for a second, and then said, "Isle of flightless birds."

     "Hmm?" 

      "A title for something." Josh frowned. That seemed disturbingly familiar. He shook his uneasiness away. Even the most unique of ideas sometimes have something similar on the internet. That's probably why he was making a connection. 

     "That's a nice title." 

     "You think so?" 

     "Yeah." The whole conversation had a slow, sleepy tone to it. Josh realized he hadn't slept well in a while, and Tyler probably hadn't slept at all.

      The rest of the class passed in a comfortable silence.  

 

       When lunch came, they headed to the music room. When they were there, Tyler initiated the conversation.

       "Do you want to try Car Radio again?" Josh debated.

       "Yeah, that's cool with me." They ran through the song a few times, Tyler whisper-screaming the portions that on the computer he would scream. When they played it for a third time, they heard the door open. Debby, Cath, and Blue were at the door, watching. Tyler looked to Josh for a signal for what to do. Josh kept playing, and Tyler did as well. When they finished, the girls clapped.  

      "That was really cool. You should start a band." Cath said quietly. Josh laughed, and Tyler blushed slightly.

      "Thanks. Hey, Tyler, what should we call our band?" Tyler thought for a second.

      "Mm. How about Twenty One Pilots? Like from the play?" Josh considered it.

       "Yeah, that's a cool name. Twenty One Pilots it is. " 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaaand finally, Josh decides to write on his arm. (Sorry, Josh and his mysterious soulmate are the only people in this chapter.)   
> Sorry it took me so long to post.

        Josh took a shuddering breath. He was finally going to do it. After all his precautions, he finally going to try and talk to the girl who had caused him so much strife in his life.

       She was interesting, at least. And a bit broken. But that's not always a bad thing, in a person. Sure, the thing that broke them likely wasn't good, but was it all that bad, to have a person who knows what it is to be in pain? 

     Josh wasn't in love with her, though. (Was he supposed to be?) Well, not really. He was intrigued by her words, but he didn't know her personality. Wasn't that important? 

     He'd want her to be nice, and sweet, and creative. (God, why was he saying what he wanted a person that he was apparently destined to be with should be like?) Would he just know when (if, as it wasn't likely that he'd ever meet her) that she was the one?

     Josh decided that he should stop thinking and just say (well, write) something. He picked up the blue pen sitting on his desk and pushed his sleeve back up his arm. He hesitated. What could he write? What could he say after all these years of her verses and drawings? He put the pen back down, and went and lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He looked at the faint cracks in the ceiling, as if hoping to divine some meaning, some answer, from them. What could he say? What would be enough? What did he want to say?

    He wanted to say so much, and yet, nothing at all. He wanted to know everything, but what could he say? Would his questions ever be answered? He sat back up, and looked down at his arm. He was surprised to see that there was fresh ink, presumably from the last minute there. In bright, thick red ink, there were words. However, this time rather than verses, there were sentences and individual words. In scrawled letters letters, up near his elbow, " _UGLY_ " was written. On the inside of his arm, a question was written. 

      _"Who could love you when your own parents hate you?"_ Josh didn't think it was directed towards him, but it hurt just the same. Who was she? And why was she writing these awful things on her arm? He uncapped his pen.

     _Who are you?_ he wrote carefully, pen dragging on his skin. He waited with bated breath for a response. He capped the pen, and set it down on the bed next to him. His arm still had only his ink on it. He looked up at the ceiling, and when he looked back down he slowly watched letters form.

  _~~My name is **Blurryface.**~~_ ~~~~ _But that's not important. Who are you?_ Josh stared down at the words. He'd seen that before. The Blurryface part. Always crossed out. He uncapped the pen once again, and wrote.

     _I'm ~~J~~_ ~~~~_a person who's been seeing all the ink you've written all my life. Why did you write that bit about parents and the word "ugly?"_

The ink this time was thick, each letter individually formed and dark.  **Because it's true. I am ugly, and my parents don't love me.** Josh stared a little at the words. What could he say to that? What was she telling him that for? Well, he supposed she was just answering his question.

      _I'm sure that's not true. Did you write all of the words over the years? Like, are you the author? Did you come up with it?_ He winced as he read the words. They'd sounded stupid even in his own head. However, he only had to wait a minute for a response. 

        _Yes. Why?_ Josh didn't really know.

        _I guess they're interesting._ That seemed like a safe thing to say. 

       _Well, thanks._ Josh sighed. He didn't know what to say. This wasn't a good idea. It was dangerous and stupid. This is exactly what his parents didn't want him to do. 

        _Have you written anything else that you can show me? Or write on my arm?_ Josh sounded a bit bitter. Well, he was. He should be. This girl continued to write on her arm, making his life harder when she could stop bloody writing on her arm, and everything would be okay. An answer came in the form of scrawled script, curling around his arm. 

  
I wanna be a lot of things, so much pent up inside of me   
_I wanna be stronger, too long I’ve sat here undecidedly_   
_Planning strategy, half of me know it’s all just a fallacy_   
_Failing miserably, drastically and then I crash dramatically_   
_Into a wall I’ve hit a hundred times before_

He read the words slowly, taking them in. He wasn't exactly sure what it meant, but he could feel the tone of hopelessness in the words.

         _That's really cool. And deep. I hope you're okay._ The words were starting to overlap, as he was running out of skin on which to write.

        _I'm never okay. Why would I be?  I try my best and all that can, to hold tightly onto what's left in my hand, but no matter how, how tightly I will strain, the sand will slow me down and the water will drain._

_Sorry._ the girl had written under that.  _I sometimes have trouble explaining what I mean without using the symbols I've made for myself._

       _That's cool._ Josh wrote.  _You don't have to change that. I (sor ~~y~~_ ~~~~ _t of) get it._

_Okay. I've got to go._ Josh stared at the ink. Even though he had the ink on his skin for so long, he still felt a little -loss?- at those words. 

      _Bye._ He wrote. He waited for a response, not expecting one, but hoping- well, not hoping exactly, but somehow in suspense- for one. However, there was no more ink that night, and he went into the bathroom and scrubbed his arm. All the ink he had written could be cleaned off, but the girl's writing was still there, clear on his arm. Her writing was scrawled and scratched, but somehow pretty all the same. Josh sighed, cleaned his face, and changed for bed. After all, there's always the morning to start over, keep going. 


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, well, this chapter doesn't do much, other than address Tyler's mum a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not especially proud of this chapter, but whatever. Sorry for the late posting.

        Josh pleaded with his mother. "Please, it's just an afternoon, I'll keep my jacket on the whole time!" She shook her head.

       "No, Josh. It's too dangerous. I don't care if Tyler's there, and if you don't think you'll slip up." Josh remembered, with a sickening feeling, Tyler walking into the room and seeing the ink. 

      "Mom, I just want to see where he's living. I just want to see that he's safe." Josh's mothers eyes clouded over. Josh still hadn't told her exactly what was going on with Tyler. She had asked several times, but Josh knew that it wasn't his place to tell her. Her eyes searched him, asking him for an answer.

    "I'm sorry, Mom, I can't tell you anything more." She nodded.

     "Well, my answer hasn't changed. You can't go." 

     "Please?" She looked back at him from where she was leaving the room. She sighed. 

    "Josh, I just want you to be safe." 

     "I know, Mom, I really do. But this is important to me, and when am I ever not in danger?" She looked at him for a long moment.

      "Fine. You know what, fine. It's your choice. I suppose you're grown enough to make decisions for yourself. But please be careful." 

       "I will." Josh pulled an extra jacket on, and headed to the door.

       "Just don't tell your father." his Mom said as he opened the door.

       "Okay. Bye." Josh headed out, looking at the directions to Jenna's (and Tyler's, though it was Jenna's house he was going to) street, and the house number. He headed down the main street that both of their neighborhoods were off of. (It was a small town.) He walked through the sharp air, shuddering slightly, pulling his hood over his fading purple hair, adjusting his sleeves.

    He looked at the sky, noting the grey clouds above. He remembered that on the news it was supposed to snow sometime that night. He hoped so. Snow blanketing the world was so pretty, even though it was cold and hard to walk through. (But he always did. Walk that is, rain, hail, sun.) 

    He looked at the paper again, turning into the neighborhood that Jenna had said she lived in. He turned down the third street on the right, and walked up to house 2524. It was fairly ordinary looking, with a wreath on the door signifying the upcoming holiday, and some slightly overgrown grass. 

     He headed up the steps to the door, hesitating before ringing the doorbell. He waited a few seconds, before hearing footsteps on the other side. Jenna swung open the door, over-sized T shirt and sock feet making her look like she had just got up. "Hi. It looks like you found the place alright." Her blue eyes were bright as she held the door open for Josh.

     "Hi. Yeah, I found it." 

     "Come on in. Tyler's waiting for us upstairs." Josh followed her up the staircase, looking at the pictures of the smiling family on the walls on the way up. Jenna led the way to a door on the left side of the hallway that was slightly ajar. Tyler was sitting, hunched over on the quilted bed, an open suitcase on the floor next to the bed. His face was turned to the window, the pale light turning his eyes lighter. He turned as he heard the footsteps. 

    "Oh, hi Josh." 

    "Hello." Jenna walked into the room and sat on the floor under the window. Tyler stood up.

     "You can sit on the bed, you know." Jenna looked up at him.

     "I know. I like the floor though." Tyler smiled fondly at her. 

      "You're strange." 

      "I know." Tyler looked at Josh. 

      "Would you like to sit, though?" Josh nodded at Tyler. 

      "Sure." Tyler flopped back down on the bed, and patted the spot next to him. Josh sat down, adjusting his sleeves.

       They sat in silence for a few seconds, until Jenna broke in. 

       "So, Josh, you play music with Tyler at lunch?" 

       "Yeah."

      "Sounds fun. " Something was strange in Jenna's eyes as she looked at the two of them. "Can I come listen sometime?" Tyler nodded.

      "Sure. I'm not very good, though. Josh is." Josh whacked his arm lightly.

     "Shut up, you're fantastic." Tyler turned slightly pink. Jenna rolled her eyes, and opened her mouth. Just then, the sound of a phone downstairs rung through the room. Jenna sprung up gracefully, and bounded out of the room in her blue socked feet. She ran down the stairs. Tyler stood up and pulled Josh off the bed.

      "Come on, let's go downstairs. There's no telling how long Jenna will be down there if she gets on the phone." Josh grinned, and followed Tyler down the stairs. Jenna was talking quietly with a serious face. She looked up at their footsteps. 

     "Tyler, phone for you." Tyler looked surprised, and took the receiver slowly from her hand. 

      "Hello?" Tyler listened for a few seconds. "Oh, hi, Mom." He glanced at Josh and Jenna. "That's good. Yeah, Jenna's has been fine. Oh, yeah, I remember. Are they taking care of you there? Oh, okay. Well, I don't know if there's much you can do about that. Yes, I understand." Tyler was looking at the floor. "No, Mom, don't think like that! It's not your fault!" Tyler sounded upset. Josh wondered what was happening on the other end of the phone.

     "I know. But it's really not your fault. Okay. Yeah. Yes, it's fine. Take as long as you need. Really. Okay, Mom. Bye. Love you." Tyler looked down, biting his lip as he handed the receiver back to Jenna. 

    Jenna put her hand on his shoulder. "Hey, it's okay. She'll be alright." Tyler nodded at her, gently moving out from under her hand. He turned to Josh.

    "So, do you want to show Jenna some of the music we've been working on?" Josh nodded. 

     "Okay. But I don't have a computer or drums or anything." Tyler smiled. 

     "That's okay. Jenna has a laptop. We can show her one of the songs we worked on that we recorded on the program. If you want, Jenna." Tyler said, turning to the blonde girl. Jenna smiled at him. 

     "Sure."

     "Soo, can I borrow your laptop?" Jenna nodded, and started to run up the stairs, Tyler and Josh hurrying to keep up, as she opened the door to a room with clothes all over the floor and some papers strewn across the bed. She stepped around the things on the floor and pulled a laptop out of a bag near her bed. She came back out and handed the laptop to Tyler. 

      "Let's go to your room." Josh marveled at how comfortable she was saying that, like Tyler was already part of the family. The stay was only temporary, though. It was only until Tyler's mother could "get back on her feet" as Mrs. Sceva said. Tyler headed towards his room, holding the laptop carefully.

     Josh looked at the grains in the wood floorboards, wondering how long it would take for Tyler's mom to be okay again. How could you ever recover from something like what she and Tyler had been through? How could anyone ever heal? Well, Josh supposed that she could get better, well enough to care for Tyler, and Tyler to care for her, but he still had trouble fathoming the strength that humans have, the capacity to heal. And to break. 

      Tyler walked into the room, and plunked down on the bed. He loaded the program, and clicked on Car Radio. Jenna and Josh sat down on the floor and were quiet as the song loaded, and then started playing. Jenna listened silently through the entire song. Then she clapped quickly.

      "That was good. Don't expect me to be impressed, though." Josh grinned at her.

     "If it makes you feel better, I'm not impressed by you either." Jenna swatted at his hair. 

       "Whatever. No taste. Hey, I like your hair. Are you planning on dying it again?" Josh nodded. "What color?" 

       "I don't know yet. Maybe blue?" Tyler chimed in.   
       "Yeah, that would look good." Josh turned slightly red.

         "Well, thanks. " Josh stood up and looked over Tyler's shoulder at the time on the bottom of the computer. 

          "Oh, man, I've got to go. Thanks for having me." Tyler and Jenna stood up and walked him to the door. 

          "Bye, Josh." Jenna said, leaning in the doorway, shivering slightly. Tyler gave Josh a small side hug and smiled. 

         "Thanks for coming, bro." Josh smiled back at him.

         "Bye, guys."

      Even though it had cooled down, Josh didn't feel cold. 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Conversations continue, as well as some introductions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this is like, really late and pathetic. I hope you haven't given up hope for this fic yet.  
> But thanks for the continued support, guys (and girls and everything in between)

       Josh looked down in panic at the spidery red ink.  _  
_

_Sometimes death seems better than the migraine in my head._

What did that mean? What was it referring to? What did she mean by death seeming better... Was this suicidal? Josh uncapped his pen, unsure as to what to say, but he knew he had to say something. He couldn't leave something like that in doubt. He shouldn't care. This was a girl who he didn't know, shouldn't care about. But wasn't it just human decency to ask how someone was doing, to try and make sure they're okay.

       _Hey, are you okay?_ Josh wrote carefully. He didn't know what to say. He didn't even know what he was thinking, it was more like presences in his mind. He just wanted her to be okay, and those words she was writing really didn't sound all right. He waited another minute before the words bloomed again on his arm.

        _Well, okay is really a relative term. Anyway, death is a pretty good option, if you ask me. I'd be pretty okay if I was dead. It's the instant end to all my problems._ Josh frowned. He was starting to panic. What could he do? What could he say to that? He felt like he had to say something, somehow, impossibly, change her opinion. 

       _I guess I mean "Okay" as in, are you getting better, are you coping? Is there anything I can do?_

_Why would I get better? I'm just a messed up kid with a lot of bad thoughts. How could you do anything?_

Josh wasn't sure.

        _Well, you could talk to me._

       _Fine. I think we'll start with introductions. My name's Blurryface._ Josh didn't want to use his real name, if she didn't use hers.

      _I'm Spookyjim._

      _Hi, Spookyjim. I'm a suicidal head case-mutant kid-skeleton-vessel for depresssing thoughts. Who are you?_

 _I don't really know._ Josh realized as he wrote it that he really didn't know. Who was he? He was just a kid who liked music whose life was defined by the writing on his skin.  _Is that weird? I'm just a person._

Her tone seemed to soften in the next words.  _That's alright. You don't have to know. Being a person is good._

_Yeah. So, anything you want to talk about?_

_Well, my- I can't believe I'm telling you this (yes I can)- family situation isn't the best at the moment._

_I'm sorry. That really sucks. I mean, I get that hurts. Tell me if things get bad, okay?_

_How could you help? Why do you even care?_

_Well, I don't know how I could help, really. I guess I can give advice, though it wouldn't be good. But I care because you're a person too, and I think this world could use a bit more caring. Anyway, I've seen your words for years, I've gotten to know you a little._

      And he had. In his head, he pictured this mysterious girl as just on the other side of a wall, right there but unreachable. He felt close to her, at this moment. 

       _Can you ever really know a person?_

_Well, no, I guess not. But you can go on what you know of. I think you're creative and sad and confused and just a bit angry._

_Well said. That does sound sort of like me, just I'm a lot less pleasant than those pretty words._

_What exactly do you think is wrong with yourself? I haven't noticed anything. You seem a bit broken, but not wrong._

The next words came a bit later, as if she had considered for a while. 

       _I'm not enough. I'll never amount to anything. I don't have a future. I'm not ENOUGH. I'm not kind enough, smart enough, talented enough. I'm so much and nothing at all. And I've got all these messed up thoughts._

 _Well, I'm a bit the same way._ Josh wouldn't describe himself that way, normally, but it sounded true enough when he thought about it.  _If that makes you feel any better._ The words were weaving into each other, the amount of clear skin left dwindling. 

       _I don't know. I've got to go, I'll hopefully talk later._ Josh stared at his skin a second more, picturing her rolling up her sleeve and walking away. It was funny, he could never really picture her. She was just a girl wearing nondescript clothing, with a faceless quality about her, in his mind, at least. He was never able to get a hold on her, she was always slipping just out of his grasp. 

     Should he even try and picture her? She might look so much different. She could be fat, wear bright orange clothing, have blond hair, a long nose, any features that he didn't picture. He shouldn't judge her appearance because of her words. But it felt easier to try and picture her, make her a little closer, a little easier to grasp. Maybe that was messed up, but he wasn't up maintaining a specifically nonspecific image. 

      _Bye._ He wrote simply, capping the pen. He wasn't good at talking in general, why was he so interested in maintaining conversation this way? He was so confused, about so many things. He just wanted to figure stuff out. 

      He pulled his sleeve back over his arm out of habit, and quickly changed into a pair of sweatpants. He lay back on the bed, and rolled over on his side. He stared at the wall, and attempted to go to sleep. 

* * *

            "And then, his eyes got so wide, I thought they were going to pop out of his head. He cleared his throat, and said, 'Excuse me? But I don't think that's an entirely appropriate subject.' And at this point, my friend and I could barely breathe, trying not to laugh. I wiggled my eyebrows at her, and he nearly passed out. Allison and I just started cracking up, there on the sidewalk."

     Josh, Tyler, Debby, and everyone else in the music room were cracking too. Jenna and Tyler had started hanging out with Debby and her friends after Jenna and Debby realized that by this point Tyler and Josh (Or Joshler, as Debby teasingly called them. "Because you're always together, I don't need to bother with your individual names.") were inseperable, and they all just hung out in the cafeteria or music room until lunch ended. Of course, some days Josh and Tyler (Joshler) just wanted to be alone with the music, Tyler whispered it to Tyler and made up an excuse for everyone else to be in the lunchroom. 

     "Girl stuff." She'd say. (Unless Colette's boyfriend was there.) And Josh and Tyler were free to do whatever they wanted with the music, free from an audience.

   It was probably the best time of Josh's life, having friends to laugh with an music to free himself with. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and feedback make me feel less useless. God, I'm annoying.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, sorry for the delay.  
> I planned on closing up the gang thing in this chapter, but when I tried, it just feel flat. So that will not be closed up, and I probably won't do anything with it (unless I think of a way, which is unlikely). So, honestly, I have no plans for this chapter. (I have plans for the fic overall though.)  
> So that's why I haven't updated. I keep trying, and it's not good enough.  
> And now I'm making excuses.  
> So have this horrible filler chapter!

        Tyler flopped back on the floor next to Josh. "Do you ever wonder, if there's people looking down, like we're an experiment, and people are just laughing at us? Like, we're a failing experiment that's kept around for amusement?"

     Josh looked down thoughtfully. "Mm. I don't know. I don't know about the failing experiment part. But the rest... Maybe when I'm alone, and I do something stupid, and I feel embarrassed even though no one saw." Tyler nodded.

     "I don't know. I believe in a God, and angels, and demons, and it's somewhat comforting, that there's someone looking out for you, even though sometimes I doubt that I'm cared for and sometimes even question if God is how we picture him. It's just kind of weird to think that it's possible that everything we think and feel isn't as private as you wish." He blushed. "Sorry, I'm kind of religious, and it's annoying to some people. Sorry if I offended you, or made it weird or whatever." 

     Josh smiled. "Nah, it's not weird at all. I'm religious too, I go to church every Sunday, and I believe in a greater purpose. Even if I doubt it sometimes. So, it's nice to talk about it sometimes. I don't know. It's just really hard sometimes to believe things without proof." 

        Tyler nodded. "I feel that." 

          Josh leaned back into his (well, the school's, his was at home) drum set. He sighed at the ceiling, then smiled at Tyler. 

         "Eh. I don't suppose it matters. I mean, we can keep believing in it, and it will be something to hold onto, even if we never have proof in this world." Tyler nodded again.

        "Yeah. A lifeline, I guess." There was a pattering of footsteps and Colette and her boyfriend came in, holding hands with each other. They took in Josh and Tyler sitting on the floor, not really doing anything. 

        Colette's face fell. "You guys aren't playing today?" Tyler shook his head. "That's too bad. Akir really wanted to hear you." She shot the guy with way too much hairgel- Akir- a soppy look. 

         "That's okay, babe." He said, softly.

           "You're so sweet." 

        Colette sloppily kissed him, her arms around him. It was loud, and Josh could barely keep himself from throwing things at them. Then they left, and Tyler burst out laughing. 

       "That... was... so...ridiculously...gross." Tyler wheezed. He was clutching his side and heaving. Josh joined in a minute later. 

      "It wasn't even funny!" Josh gasped. 

     "I know!" That set Tyler off again, and soon they were rolling around on the floor.

     Josh eventually calmed down, and Tyler a moment later. Josh grinned at Tyler.

    "Eh, maybe you won't think it's that gross if you get a girlfriend." Tyler made a noncommital noise, and looked at the floor.

     "I don't know." He said quietly. Josh got the feeling that he had just made in uncomfortable. 

      "So, do you want to work on that song again tomorrow?" Josh said, desperately trying to change the subject. 

      "Oh, sure." Tyler's face was animated again, and Josh tried to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach. 

* * *

        _plummet as I sing_

That was the only line on Josh's arm when he checked that night.

       _Hey. How are you today?_ Josh simply wrote. 

      A response came back about five minutes later.

       _I don't know. Conflicted. Is it normal to not know what you're feeling, how you are?_

Josh grinned softly.  _More normal than people like to admit, I'm sure._

       _Yeah. What about you? How are you?_ Josh was surprised at the question. 

      _Um. I don't know either. I'm just having a tough time getting through this life? I don't even know why._

 _Same here. Sorry. Hey, that's good, can I use that?_ Josh made a confused face.

        _Use what?_

       _The line about having a tough time getting through this life?_ Josh smiled bemusedly.

       _Um, sure. It's not that original, but you're welcome to it._

_Thanks. I've got to go again, sorry._

        _Oh, bye._ Josh pulled his sleeve back over his arm, knowing that meant that he wouldn't get any more words until at least tomorrow. 

       He sat up and decided to start on his Spanish project. ( It was due in two days, he probably should have started a week and a half ago.) As he scratched away, muddling over conjugating verbs, he heard his phone ring. 

      He picked it up off the desk, checking the caller I.D. It was Jenna. Her icon on the phone was her and Tyler, hanging upside down off the chairs in the music room. Josh smiled, remembering the day, and hit "Answer." 

    "Hey, Jenna. What's up?" He heard her exhale on the other end. 

     "Hi, Josh. Nothing much. It's about Tyler." Josh felt a little worry knot in his stomach.  
               

        "What's wrong?"

    "Nothing, really. I may just be being the overprotective best friend, but I think Tyler's keeping something from me." Josh felt a pit in his stomach. Tyler was keeping something from Jenna. That probably meant Tyler was keeping something from him as well, and Josh hadn't even noticed. Was he just a bad friend? Why would Tyler not tell him? Josh tried to ignore these thoughts, and the fact that he was keeping something from Tyler and Jenna as well.  
     

     "Oh, okay." Jenna sighed.  
     

      "And, if he's told you, and I respect that maybe you can't share, but is something wrong?"  
   

     "He hasn't told me anything." Josh croaked.  
      

    "Oh. I wonder what's up," Jenna mused. "Thanks anyway." Josh nodded, then replied.  
       

    "Bye. See you tomorrow, Jenna."  
       

"Goodbye."

     Josh hung up and set the phone down. He glanced at his Spanish project, then shoved it in a drawer of his desk. He was just going to procrastinate until the last possible second. He sat down on his bed, and removed his shoes. He changed out of his jeans into loose leggings, and took off his jacket. He pulled his sleeve back for one last look at his arm (nothing, as he had expected, but had hoped for the opposite) and lay back on his bed, and tried to go to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really bad.


	19. THIS IS NOT A CHAPTER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have a question for you, which you can answer in the comments. I will keep this chapter up for a short amount of time, after which I will start writing the next chapter.  
> Edit- 2/1/17  
> I am going to keep this chapter up, but soon I'll have the next few chapters up, so it won't matter.  
> 2/7/17  
> I'M WRITING THE CHAPTER, I PROMISE  
> REALLY  
> 2/8/17   
> I WROTE IT  
> FINALLY

I can't spoil too much about what's going to happen, but somethings going to happen soon. The next chapter I can go directly to that, or I can keep a slower pace. Would you like to go straight to the climax, or build some more suspense?

Please answer in the comments. 


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now is the climax, to the story  
> Or like, something important.  
> Hello everyone, sorry for the delay. I’ve been procrastinating. A bit. And I got involved in some other fics. But I’m back now.   
> So, for this chapter- I was honestly wanted to continue writing their friendship, unaffected. But I know that if I keep doing that, I’m just going to keep giving you filler chapters.   
> So there’s that. Hope it’s not terrible?  
> THAT CHAPTER WAS REALLY BAD

The first hour of Josh’s mornings were always quiet. He would wake up, get ready, grab something to eat, and walk alone. Even if there were wars being fought out in his head, there was still a tranquility to it. 

He wanted to shout out and break it at the same time that he wanted to preserve that wonderful calm.

This morning, he ran. He ran against the warming air, feeling the wind pushing against him. More and more, lately, he found himself doing things just to prove that he was alive. 

He arrived at school, panting slightly. He looked around the courtyard, searching for his friends. 

Tyler was standing near a bench, on which Jenna and Debby were sitting. They were laughing, bent over. Tyler looked slightly embarrassed. 

Josh jogged over. “Hey. What’s up? Tyler...” He trailed off as the girls laughed harder. “Better not to ask?” Tyler nodded, cheeks pink. 

Josh stood next to him. 

He watched mutely, as Debby fell off the bench laughing, her backpack hitting her on the head. Jenna reached out a hand to pull her back up. Their laughing trailed off eventually. Jenna wiped her eyes. Then she and Debby started talking with each other again, seeming to forget Josh and Tyler’s existence. 

Tyler started to try and talk to them. “Hey, I was just going to...” He trailed off. “They aren’t listening, are they?” Josh shook his head. “So, do you want to go to class now?” 

     “Yeah, sure.” They walked through the nearly empty halls to the English classroom. There were a few kids in there, a girl reading in the back, a kid talking to the teacher at the front of the room, and two girls whispering over a notebook. Josh and Tyler found seats at the back of the room. 

“So, how was your week? I mean, I know I was there for some of it, but I was just wondering how you are.” That sounded better in Josh’s head than it did coming out. But Tyler didn’t seem to mind. 

“Um. I guess it was just. The same. I mean, just tiny little things that add up to a big picture of school, and well, not really much else.” Josh nodded.

“That’s a lot like everyone’s life, I think.” Josh really, well, his life consisted of school, Tyler (and his other friends), and conversations with his soulmate. But he couldn’t tell Tyler about that, much as he wanted to. Tyler seemed to notice that there was something running through Josh’s head, and he put his hand on Josh’s shoulder. 

“Are you okay?” Josh smiled sadly.

“Yeah. Just tired.” Tyler dropped the subject. 

“So, what’d you get for number 12 on the math homework?”

* * *

 

       Tyler finished the song, singing softly. Josh smiled.

“That was great! I liked that second verse.” Tyler blushed. 

“Thanks.” 

“I’m just going to go to the bathroom for a second.” Tyler nodded. Josh hurried and went into a stall. He locked the door. He shouldn’t be doing this, but he was checking his arm. He and his soulmate had been talking late into the night. She had been talking about purpose, and he had fallen asleep and not responded. He read the rest of what she had written last night (it was fading, but still legible), knowing he had to hurry. He uncapped a pen he had in his pocket, and scratched it across his arm.

_ Hey, sorry I didn’t respond last night. I fell asleep (which is probably good). Still, I’m sorry. I think you made a good point about the rut thing. I think we all feel that.  _

Josh capped the pen and pulled his sleeve down. He unlocked the stall and hurried out of the bathroom back to the music room. He walked softly, not wanting to disturb Tyler, who, if interrupted, would often stop singing whatever song they were working on. He pushed the door quietly. 

Tyler was sitting on the floor, writing on his arm. His pen was red. He was engrossed in writing over some scrawled black writing. Josh felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. 

“Tyler...” Tyler looked up. He started to pull his sleeve, but when he saw who it was, he stopped. 

He opened his mouth, but no sound came out. Josh moved forward as if in a trance. He walked forward and scanned Tyler’s arm slowly.

Phrases spun around his brain.  _ And a lot of people seem to be stuck in a rut, doing the same thing over and over again...  _

_ Sorry I didn’t respond last night... _

_ What do you mean? _

No. No no no. Tyler. Not Tyler. It couldn’t be Tyler. This must be a mistake. Or a dream. 

“No. You’re not...” Tyler nodded.

Tyler grabbed Josh’s arm and pulled the sleeve up. He held their arms together for a minute. Josh looked down in disbelief. 

Every word on their arms was exactly the same. Red, black, thin and thick ink, curling around the other words.

Josh started shaking his head furiously, barely noticing it. No. It couldn’t be Tyler. What happened to the girl that he had perfectly imagined, had imagined a future with. 

“Josh...” Tyler started, imploringly. 

“No, stop.” Josh choked out. But Tyler seemed determined to get his message out.

“I think we might be soulmates.” Then something in Josh broke. 

“No. No, no no. We are  _ not  _ soulmates. How dare you suggest that Maybe you’re a freak, a  _ fag,”  _ Josh spat, “But I’m not gay. Don’t even think that. Don’t you dare ever think that! That’s so messed up. I don’t want to talk to you ever again!” Josh hurried out, a storm inside him. He didn’t know what he was feeling, other than an urge to lash out, an anger at something in the universe. He wasn’t soulmates with Tyler. That was wrong. That was unthinkable. 

He left behind the boy with the shattered eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry for the angst. I want them to resolve, same as you. For this fic you can most likely (87.5%) expect a happy ending. So if you’re still reading by that time, hopefully the angst and the oblivion will be worth it? Yeah. I don’t know.   
> ALSO  
> I am so sorry for the usage of the word fag. It hurt me to write, that’s such an ugly word.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here, have a filler chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that was so late!

Josh felt like he was losing control. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know where to go. He knew he couldn't be around Tyler, and in knowing that found exactly how much time he spent with Tyler. In the mornings, talking, art, music, the ink...

He couldn't think about that.

It was dangerous. 

It was wrong. 

He couldn't miss that, because that meant there was something wrong with him, just like there had been something wrong with what Tyler had been suggesting. 

Josh shook it out of his head.

Just. What did he do before Tyler? Sometimes it felt like Tyler consumed all his time. Was his purpose. 

Josh shook the thought away. However, it wasn't with anger, this time. He wasn't sure what it was. 

Maybe resignation. That this was the way things were, that what was said was said. Maybe it was in some twisted way, him wanting to be right. 

Josh wasn't sure what it was. 

He still shook it away.

It didn't stop him from feeling sick and crushed every time he glanced at Tyler. 

* * *

 

Jenna, was giving him a dirty look.

Correction: Jenna was giving him a death glare. 

Correction: He didn't know how to describe the look she was giving him. 

Josh tried to ignore it, but it was hard. He could feel it searing into his back, whenever she was around. Did she know exactly what had happened? Had Tyler told her?

That question seemed to be answered at lunch. He was in the lunch line, not bothering to go to the music room, when she came up behind him.

"What did you do to him?" She hissed.

Josh shook his head. Jenna gave him a scathing look, and walked away.

Josh sat down at Debby's table. She looked surprised. "Oh, hi, Josh. I thought you were going to the music room?" Josh shook his head silently. Debby didn't press.

She moved some stuff to make room for him. He sat down between Blue and Cath, who continued their conversation after briefly saying hello. Josh looked at Debby. He surveyed the table. 

"Where's Colette?" Debby snorted. 

"Oh, she's with her boyfriend, as always. It's ridiculous how much time she spends with that boy." Josh laughed a bit at her tone. 

The rest of lunch passed peacefully, if not comfortably. Josh just wanted to go home and sleep. 

It started to rain, that afternoon, but Josh still walked home.

When he got to the doorstep, he shook himself, like a dog, and let himself in. He greeted his mother, grabbed an apple, and went up to his room. He tried to do homework. He got through math and science, and decided to leave his Spanish for another day (He was surprised he wasn't flunking, honestly, the amount of procrastination he did). 

He got through all the homework that he absolutely had to, and realized he didn't know what to do with himself. He couldn't check his arm (he knew nothing would be there), he didn't want to read conspiracy theories, and he had barely talked to most of his internet friends for a while. He went to an internet radio and listened to some Green Day, but he quickly lost focus. 

His head felt fogged. There was nothing he really wanted to do. He glanced outside the window. 

The rain had stopped, the world looking a bit more green than he had an hour ago. Josh considered going outside and doing something.

He couldn't remember the last time he'd done that. He had vague memories of running and playing as a kid. He knew there was a basketball net in the driveway. He logged out, closed his computer, and walked downstairs. 

His mother was nowhere to be seen. He walked out the front door, stirring the dish of keys with his hands as he passed. 

The pavement was still a bit wet, but drying quickly. He knew there was a basketball in the shed. He opened the door, and looked into the dusty space. Behind the lawn supplies, he found a slightly deflated basketball.

It was smaller than he remembered, but it would do fine. He closed the creaking door behind him, and walked out to the pavement. 

He felt exposed. He felt like he was being watched, and judged. However, he knew he was alone.

He dribbled the basketball, and self-consciously took a shot. It clattered off the backboard. He retrieved it, and tried again. He was rusty. It clattered again. It took three more tries before he made a basket. 

He was getting into a rhythm, ignoring the noise in his head, when he remembered that Tyler had talked about playing basketball as a kid. 

God. No matter how much he tried to forget, he kept thinking of Tyler. Tyler of the shattered eyes. Tyler of the soft eyes and laugh. Tyler that he had hurt so badly. 

Josh shouldn't feel guilty. Tyler had deserved it.

But thinking like that made the guilt feel even worse. Josh put the basketball back in the shed. This wasn't helping. It was still all coming back to what he wanted to forget. 

He stood in the shed. He pulled his sleeve up quickly, like pulling a band-aid. There was no ink. Josh wasn't expecting there to be. He shouldn't want there to be. But it didn't stop the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. 

Josh yanked his sleeve back down, trying to shake all of that out of his head. 

He went into the house, wiped his shoes, and went into the kitchen. His dad was in there, stirring a bowl.

"Oh, hey Josh, you want to help with dinner?" Josh nodded, and chopped vegetables while listening to his dad gripe about work. 

After dinner he went up to his room, and changed for bed. It was only seven, but he was ready to sleep. 


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is told from Jenna's perspective. So there's something new. So far I've only showed Josh's perspective. That was all I really planned on. However, I think at this point, you'd like some DIFFERENT conflicted feelings. And as much as I love writing that, I get the feeling you probably don't want another chapter full of that. So we'll leave him to stew a bit (for about 600 words), and try out Jenna's point of view. Hope you enjoy! (It probably sucks. Just like the rest of the fic.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope it's not THAT bad.  
> I am so so so so so sorry for the long delay. Please forgive me. I have a long list of excuses, but let's not go into that. I just had a lot of trouble writing this, so we'll see how this goes.  
> And sorry it's short.

       Jenna stood up and pulled her backpack onto her shoulders. She ignored the glare of the boy next to her when it brushed his shoulder. Exiting the bus, she thanked the bus drivers and stood by the doors, waiting for Tyler to get off. 

Tyler got off after nearly everyone, appearing head bowed, hands deep in his pockets. He walked over and stood next to Jenna, avoiding her eyes. He rarely talked to her, now. He had pulled back inside himself. He was the old Tyler, the Tyler of the silence and the downcast eyes and shaking hands. The Tyler before Josh.

    Jenna didn't know exactly what Josh had done. Tyler wouldn't tell her. And while she had suspicions, well, those weren't for her to say. All she knew was, Josh had hurt Tyler, in some way. Broken the growth he had made. And while she cared about this Tyler, she missed the Tyler with Josh. That Tyler was more alive, more himself. 

         _What's in a person?_ she idly wondered. But it didn't matter. She would probably never know.

       Jenna couldn't help but be angry at Josh. He had done  _something._ Something that shattered the new Tyler. Something that made him retreat back. Jenna walked Tyler to his class, and then headed to her math class on the floor above.

    Even her parents had noticed something was off. They had asked Tyler, tentatively, afraid of overstepping their boundaries, if something was wrong.

    He had answered exactly as Jenna had expected him to. That he was fine, just tired. 

    Jenna wearily pulled her blond hair back in a ponytail, walking briskly to avoid getting to class late. She always felt tired, lately. Probably because of Tyler. Not that it was his fault, per say, but that he was draining her, her worry for him and her anger for Josh. His lack of energy affecting her. 

      She shook the thoughts off. She couldn't dwell on Tyler. Even if he was the most important person in her life. Even if she was very, very, worried about him. After all, she was her own person. She had her own friends, her own life. She couldn't ignore that.

     She pushed open the door, which was slightly ajar, and headed towards the far side of the room to her seat. She plunked her backpack down on the floor, and pulled her binder with the math homework in the side pocket out.

    She was her own person.

* * *

Of course, being Jenna, she couldn't help but worry about Tyler. His eyes looked different, not as light, not as not as sparkling. It was hard to get a smile out of him. It had been two weeks since he'd talked to Josh. Josh was different too. More like the antisocial loner he'd been at the beginning of the year. He was avoiding looking at Tyler, and Jenna. She could tell something had changed in him, too. Something was wrong.

    Jenna avoided him, but she had become friends with Debby, so she would see him walking in the halls with him. When he saw her coming, he would head into the crowd, leaving Debby and Jenna alone.

    It wasn't fair. Any of it. Josh leaving Tyler a shell, whatever he'd done. Closing Debby out. It wasn't fair (well, Jenna knew she shouldn't be mad about this, but still) that she and Jenna had to worry about them. Sometimes Jenna wished she could switch bodies, if only long enough to fix problems. 

      Sadly, she was stuck in her own, small, set of bones. Firmly fixed. She was starting to sound like Tyler, a bit. Wishing to be someone else. Talking about skeletons.

     "Hey." Debby said softly, smoothing the side of her soft blue blouse.

     "Hey." Jenna said back. Something had changed between them, as well. They were more cautious, avoiding delicate subjects.

     "How are you?" 

     "As well as to be expected." Debby nodded sympathetically, knowing to what she was referring. "And you?" 

     "I'm okay." Debby said softly, attempting a small smile. They walked in silence to the lunchroom. Jenna left to go find Tyler, and Debby, Josh.

     Jenna sighed. She was Jenna Black, and she was sick of this. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has left comments, kudos, or has subscribed or bookmarked. Thank you for your support and for sticking with me. I really really appreciate it. Thank you so much.
> 
> So? Feedback? Criticism? Want to yell at me for being so late?  
> The comment box is below.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm dedicating this chapter to heavydirtysouls, who is a great author and person, and just really inspired me to work on this. So, hope you all enjoy. 
> 
> This also felt a bit rushed, because I'm trying to finish this fic within the next month? So please, please, yell at me in the comments if I don't post enough.
> 
> Also, thank you Dark_Blue_Eyed_Demon, for contributing the words "stupid" and "scared".

      Josh sighed and looked at the floor.

     He missed Tyler. He missed Tyler like he'd miss the floor if it fell out from under his feet.

     He didn't care if it was wrong, but he loved Tyler.

    _He loved Tyler._

   And he had destroyed him. Lashed out and said horrible things. He didn't even know why. He had just went off, saying things he didn't mean at heart, hurting the one person he wanted to protect.

     "Debby?"

     "Hmm?" she said, looking attentively at Josh. She was too good for him. A great friend, when he'd been a jerk. 

     "I'm sorry." She looked confused, and opened her mouth. He rushed on. "And I have a question for you." She nodded, brow furrowed. "What do you do, if you've said some bad stuff, and you really hurt someone, and you're not sure you can fix it?"

    Her face was unreadable. Josh waited with bated breath.

   "Well..." she said slowly, drawing her words out, "I'd try to fix it. I'd apologize. I'd do whatever it takes. Because if you care about someone, you've got to work for it. You have to earn it." Josh looked at the floor again. "Do you have something you need to do?" 

  Josh nodded. "Yeah. Yeah. I don't know how, but I've got to try." Debby nodded too.

    "Then go." she whispered. "What are you waiting for?" Josh didn't know. He got up.

    "Um. Thanks. Thank you. I-" He turned, unsure what to say. Then he hurried out of the cafeteria. 

     Tyler. Where was Tyler? Josh walked to all of the usual lunchtime haunts. Tyler wasn't there. Josh sucked in a nervous breath. He had an idea of where to go. 

     He walked down the hall towards the music room. Would Tyler listen? Would Tyler forgive him? 

     Josh tried to walk quietly, wincing as his sneakers hit the tiled floor. He softly pushed open the door to the room with the piano music pouring softly out of it. He looked at the boy in room's back cloaked in the baggy sweatshirt bending over the yellowed keys. 

    "Tyler?" The music abruptly stopped. Tyler turned. His eyes filled with shock when he saw Josh standing there.

    He got up, grabbed his backpack, and tried to move past Josh. "Tyler, wait!" Tyler looked at the ground, at the ceiling, anything but Josh. His eyes were harder than Josh had ever seen. 

    "Look. I know this probably can't fix what I said. But... I'm really, really sorry. I was stupid and horrible, and just. Tyler. I miss you. A lot. " Tyler still didn't look at him. He didn't look like he dared to look up. 

     "I am so, so sorry. I understand if you can't forgive me. Because. I said all that stuff, and I don't know why. I was angry, and scared, and God, Tyler, I didn't know what to think! I just. " Tyler finally looked up. 

     "You know you can't fix this with a simple apology, right?" Josh felt like his stomach dropped, but he knew this was better than he could have hoped for, and that it was his fault.  

    "I know. I just hope you'll give me a chance, because I never want to hurt you again." 

     "Did you want to hurt me?" Tyler said, looking like he was trying not to cry. Josh shook his head vehemently.

     "No, No!..." Josh whispered. 

    "Well you did! You hurt me, a lot. You said some really terrible things. How am I supposed to forgive you after that?!" Josh looked at the ground, defeated.

    "I don't know." he whispered.

    Tyler sat on the floor and put his head in his hands. 

    "I don't know what to think about all of this. I just. I want to forgive you. But I can't, not right now. I'll think about it, okay? Just give me some space, until I know what I'm thinking." 

    Josh nodded, not daring to home for anything more. "Okay. Okay." Tyler stood up. He hoisted his bag on his shoulders, and walked past Josh. When Tyler's footsteps faded, Josh let out a soft breath. 

     He had apologized. He felt like there was a burden released, but he couldn't escape the guilt, and anger, and fear swirling around in his brain. How could he do that to Tyler? What if Josh hurt Tyler again?

      He inhaled and exhaled slowly, trying to calm his racing heart and brain. When he felt like he could breathe and walk like a semi-normal human, he stood up shakily. 

      He ran his fingers absentmindedly through his slightly tangled hair. He had left his backpack in the cafeteria. He headed back down the dim tiled hallway towards the cafeteria. 

     He pushed the cafeteria door open, feeling the blast of air conditioning and hearing the noise of the hundred mingled voices. He headed through the tables to the one where Debby and her friends were sitting. Debby spotted him and stood up, holding his backpack.

     Josh walked closer and nodded at her friends. She handed over the bag, and inquisitively whispered, "How did it go?" 

     Josh ran his hand through his hair again. "Um. I don't know. As well as I could have expected. I don't know." He repeated. Debby nodded thoughtfully.  

    "Well, at least you did it. I don't want to know what you did that hurt that person, but I'm glad you tried to make amends." Josh smiled gratefully at her. 

    "Yeah." Josh sat back down with the girls for the next five minutes, but soon had to head to his next class. Blue waved goodbye with her violet-nailed hand.

   Cath softly said "Bye, Josh." 

    "Bye, guys." Josh walked out of the cafeteria again, relishing the quiet hallway, though a minute later, the hall filled again. 

    He did it. He tried to fix it. And hopefully, that could mend things, a bit. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The comment box is below for anyone who wants to yell at me, scream, give criticism, feedback, forcefully escort me to the door, has anything to say, or wants to let me know they're alive (or dead, I'm not judging).  
> Guess what song Tyler's playing?


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From now on, all commenters get cupcakes.   
>  
> 
> I have to get this finished SOON so you guys need to pester me in the comments and tell me to get it done! ~accidentallybroken

When Josh got home, the first thing he did was head upstairs to his room. He closed the door, and yanked up his sleeve. Then he looked down and tried to ignore the sinking feeling in his gut as he viewed his pale, empty, arm. After all, he couldn't expect a simple apology to fix the mess he had made, and anyway, Tyler didn't even have a real reason to write on his arm!

Josh had still wanted there to be something there. He didn't realize how much Tyler had filled a space in his life, before he had hurt Tyler. Now, though, he had a chance to prove himself, to get Tyler back. And somehow, the idea of messing that up scared him more than being caught by the government.

Hearing adults talk, they say that teenagers are so emotional, that everything matters way too much. And maybe that's true. But with Tyler, Josh felt like the world was ending and that he was in heaven alternately. Was that what they meant by emotional?

Josh didn't care if he was irrational, unreasonable, he felt on an emotional high all the time around Tyler.

He realized that he needed Tyler to forgive him, it wasn't even an option. He couldn't think about what would happen if Tyler didn't forgive him.

 

The next few days of school were interesting, to say the least. Debby was talking to Jenna nearly every day, and Josh never overheard the conversations, but he had a feeling exactly what their whispers pertained to.

Tyler didn't talk to Josh, but he didn't avoid him, and often Josh could feel Tyler's (or Jenna's sometimes) eyes on the back of his head. Watching him. Studying him. When Josh felt the eyes, he would suck in a breath and try to ignore it (unsuccessfully, what kind of superhuman do you think he is?). Thinking about it didn't help. (He thought about it.)

He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do. Was he supposed to approach Tyler? Let Tyler approach him? Josh settled for sending mental messages to Tyler. Come on, talk to me Ty!

Tyler didn't talk to him.

However, Josh was hoping. Wishing, waiting, desperately hoping, that Tyler would talk to him.

That didn't mean he was ready when Tyler did.

"Josh." Josh turned around to see Tyler standing there uncomfortably.

"Hi." Tyler ignored that.

"Um. So I've been thinking." Josh waited. "And. I don't know how to forgive you for what you said. " Josh's heart sunk. "But maybe that doesn't matter. Maybe, maybe I've just got to move on. Because. Josh." Tyler's voice got almost imperceptibly soft. "Josh, I miss you." And then Josh's heart flew.

"I miss you too." Josh whispered. "Will you give me a chance?" He waited for Tyler's answer.

"Yes. Of course."

 

The next few weeks were weird, to say the least. It was strange. Not expressly uncomfortable, but strange. It was like they were getting to know each other for the first time again, feeling each other out and being careful with what they said. It felt delicate, and new, especially in the light of all the acknowledged information.

But it was good. Josh was feeling happier, Debby was more cheerful, and Jenna was less angry. Tyler (well, Josh didn't know exactly how he was) seemed happier as well.

Josh felt more hopeful, now. He didn't know where'd it go from here, but it was Tyler, it didn't matter.  
They were slowly getting better with each other. Laughing more, talking more. Less lapses of silence. They hadn't started playing music again, but maybe sometime they'd share that again, too.

Tyler was brighter, more animated. Josh wasn't sure exactly why. He hoped it was him, but why would he make anyone happier? It didn't matter, though. Tyler was happier, and he brightened the room again. When Josh looked at him, he always felt like he was looking at something otherworldly, like an angel, unique and lovely and perfect, but Tyler was so terribly human.

Josh was human too. And maybe there was something to love in that. Josh had to hope, desperately wish that Tyler could find something to love in Josh. Josh didn't feel very lovable.

      "Do you ever people watch?" Josh pulled himself back to the present. Tyler was sitting next to Josh, not as close as he used to, but he was there.

      "Um, yeah. Do you?" Tyler nodded.

      "It sort of feels sacred, in a weird way." Josh looked at him questioningly. "Well, you're watching them sort of when they're by themself. And you can gather a lot from that." Josh nodded.

     "You're a weird one, Tyler. Not in a bad way. You just like, think a lot more than other people do about some stuff." Tyler frowned.

     "I guess I do. I don't get more answers than anyone else, though." 

     "That's okay. Maybe just asking the questions is enough." Tyler smiled.

     "Now look who's getting all deep." Josh grinned.

     "Must have rubbed off." 

    Tyler smiled wider. Then he said softly, "I've missed this." 

    "Me too."

    Then Tyler leaned against Josh and whispered, "I forgive you." 

    Josh leaned into Tyler, trying to still his racing heart. He didn't know what to say, so they just sat silently, in the music room, leaning against each other, until class started again.  (They hadn't played any music together, but they still hung out.) 

    Josh was happy. He hoped Tyler was too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate my writing style so fm. 
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Leave a comment and tell me what you thought!


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> STUFF HAPPENS. READ THE NOTES.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter. (Actually, I may write an epilogue, so stay tuned for that, but this is the last chapter of the actual story.)  
> This was kind of a rush job, I was trying to finish this fic before exams, and I don't write much over the summer, so sorry if that was a kind of sucky ending.

       "Do you think..." Josh looked up attentively at Tyler from his book. 

       "Yes?"

       "Do you think we should try some music again?" Josh did. He missed the closeness they had through Tyler's music (Tyler had tried to say that Josh was as important as Tyler in playing it, but Josh really just drummed and thought, _Wow, um, Tyler and his music are both really beautiful. That didn't sound stupid at all, even in my head.)_

Josh didn't feel gay  _at all..._

     "Yeah, I think that'd be good." Tyler smiled.

      "Yeah, it would." They fell in step as they walked to the music room. It was the same easy rhythm there used to be, but there was a faint nervousness in the air. An unsureness. Like asking for permission before doing something that used to be second nature. 

     The music room looked the same as it always did. The same yellowed piano, and music cases people had left in the corner. The same set of drums Josh used every time. Tyler looked around and sighed.

    "So, what do you want to play?" Josh sat down at the drums, picking up the drum sticks that were stashed on the floor. 

     "I don't know man, what do you want to play?" Tyler didn't look sure.

      "Um, do you want to just mess around?" Josh nodded in consent.

      "Yeah, that'd be cool." He started drumming out a simple beat. Tyler crossed and slid onto the piano bench, bumping his knees slightly. He listened to the beat, and played around on the keys. Soon, they had a simple song going, no words, just a little tune. 

    They reached a good place to stop, and Josh set down his drums. "Man, I wish I could play piano like you." He glanced longingly at the wooden instrument. Tyler blushed. 

     "Um, I could show you a little bit, if you wanted?" It wasn't even a question, in Josh's head.

     "Sure." Tyler smiled.

     "Okay, then, come sit down!" Josh did, sliding on the worn out bench next to Tyler. Tyler took Josh's hands. "Okay, put your hands here." Josh put his hands where Tyler guided them on the keys. He was a little distracted by the slender fingers on his own, the warm  _closeness_ of the other boy. Josh was feeling a little breathless. 

    "This is the normal starting place." Tyler started talking about what each key was, and Josh tried to follow along, but got distracted every time their shoulders brushed or he heard Tyler's soft voice (read: he didn't hear a word of what Tyler was saying.)

     Tyler demonstrated whatever he was trying to show Josh, a simple key combination. "Okay, now you try." Josh tried copying him, and failed. "Were you even listening? " Tyler said softly. Josh laughed breathily. 

      "I don't know." Tyler looked at him.

       "Then what were you doing?" 

        "I don't know." Tyler chuckled softly. 

        "Okay." Josh and Tyler's head were close enough that they were breathing the same air. Josh tried hard to think coherent thoughts.

        But then Tyler leaned in, and his soft, chapped lips met Josh's and  _Oh God,_ that felt  _good._ He was kissing Tyler. Tyler was kissing him. Tyler. 

     Josh didn't really know what he was doing. He was on autopilot, letting his mouth do whatever, his head spinning. Tyler. When he opened his eyes, he stared into Tyler's chocolate eyes. They leaned back, and looked at each other for a long moment. 

     "Well." Tyler said shortly, in a monotone. 

      "Well. That was nice." Then Josh started giggling (yes, giggling) and he wasn't even sure what was funny, but he felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from his chest. Tyler started laughing too.

     "What?" 

     "What?" 

      "Yeah." They smiled at each other. That just happened. Their giggling cleared up, and they sat in comfortable silence for a minute. Then an idea struck Josh. 

       "Write on your arm." 

       "What?" Tyler said, confused.

       "Write on your arm. I want to see what happens." Tyler's face cleared, he got up, and he dug in his backpack for a pen. He pulled his sleeve back, and scrawled,  _"Hi."_

      Josh pushed his sleeve up his arm and looked. Nothing. He stared for a few seconds more. Nothing. Tyler came to sit back down on the bench. He held his arm up to Josh's. Tyler still had the scrawled greeting on his arm, but Josh's was blank. 

     "Do you know what this-"

     "Yeah." 

     "Yeah?" Tyler smiled. 

      "Okay."

      "Okay." And it was. It was okay. It was better than okay, because Tyler was here, and that was enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you beautiful humans, so, so much, for sticking with me and inspiring me. It means the world, it really does. I've enjoyed writing this fic, through all the procrastination and accidentally deleted chapters, and I hope you have too. Thank you. Here's to all of you. ~accidentallybroken
> 
> Comment and tell me what you think!


	26. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Forever?"  
> "Yeah."   
> "Me too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very very short, pretty cheesy. That's probably the official end to this story. Thank you all. Really.

      

“Why’d you do it?” Josh whispered softly. Tyler sat up from where he was leaning against Josh’s shoulder. 

 

“What? J, what are you talking about?” He said, sleepily. 

“Why did you write on your arm? Why did you keep doing it? Did you know it was dangerous.” 

 

Tyler sat up, more awake now, brow furrowed. 

 

“I... I guess I learned it was dangerous, eventually, but I wasn’t sure really why until I was a teenager.” That hadn’t answered part of the question. 

 

“Then why’d you keep doing it?” Tyler hesitated a little longer, twiddling with his pant leg. (He was wearing short sleeves! They both were!) 

 

“I guess I just couldn’t stop myself. I’d been doing it for as long as I could remember, not even remembering why. It was calming, to have something I could see and understand on my arm. I don’t know, really. It just made me feel good. It became a therapy of sorts. I don’t know why I started. I probably just didn’t have paper or something. I don’t know. “ 

 

Josh nodded. He didn’t understand it, but that was okay. Unfortunately, it still didn’t make him feel completely better. 

 

He took a deep breath. “You know, for a while, I really resented you writing on your arm. I didn’t know who you were yet, but the writing made it hard for me.”  

 

Tyler sat back, something soft and hurt in his expression. “Oh. Oh. I’m so so sorry.” Josh touched Tyler’s cheek gently.

 

“Hey, it’s okay. I like you anyway. In fact, I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Tyler smiled softly, confused.

 

“Why? Why would you want that?”   
  


“If you hadn’t written on your arm, I might have not found you. And that would be a true tragedy. Because I want you around forever.” 

 

“Forever?”

 

“Yeah.” Josh touched his forehead to Tyler’s. 

 

“Me too.” Tyler said softly. “Me too.” 

**Author's Note:**

> The comment box is below for anyone who wants to yell at me, scream, give criticism, feedback, forcefully escort me to the door, has anything to say, or wants to let me know they're alive (or dead, I'm not judging).


End file.
